I want things to get worse so i can do it sooner

[blueclover_.]

I kinda want to get better, but i want to get worse more. I want my dad to treat me like a shitty punching bag again so i can feel that urge to kill myself. Now i'm just stuck in the middle of wanting to live or die, unsure.

 

[Hurt]

That's what actually happening to me these days. It doesnt get better it just gets worse. At least for me. I want to kill myself so bad

 

[blueclover_.]

That's what actually happening to me these days. It doesnt get better it just gets worse. At least for me. I want to kill myself so bad

It sucks, but when you really wanna off yourself sometimes it provides an extra push. And that is comforting to me, knowing it'll be over.

What method are you gonna use?

 

[kurisutinabestgirl]

I relate man. I know I will eventually ctb, it's bad already, but I still am having a lot of anxiety thinking about my family, one push and I will be able to do it.
But I don't worry about this, it always became worse, I know it will become even worse one day, and I will finally do it.

Wish you the best, I know this inbetween situation sucks.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I feel the same. I am waiting for things to get worse in terms of my relationship to my family so they get hopeless and tired of my ass. Once that happens and I feel they are truly better off without me, it will get easier to catch the bus

 

[FuneralCry]

It is understandable how you feel. Suicide requires a lot of courage and it is difficult as we are programmed to survive. I only believe I will be able to do it once I get desperate. I do know that things will get worse for me, and at that point I will exit this world. I hope you find peace.

 

[AhogeSuspension]

I want things to get better, but they never do ): It always just gets worse when I think things are looking up. Now I hope for things to say bad because it just worse when I know what happiness felt like.

"Happiness describes moments, and it's never permanent"