Discussion I want love and I want to be alone

[Satori Komeiji]

Hi, this is my first post. I guess I don't usually like drawing attention to myself but I just want to see if anybody can relate to this. I feel like when it comes to love, my brain is constantly flip-flopping between wanting to push away everyone in my life until I'm completely alone and wanting nothing more than to be loved and cuddled and all those lovely things. I feel like a hopeless romantic while at the same time wanting to be left alone. I might just be the result of a romantic person who was hurt one too many times or I want love but actual human relationships are too complicated and scary for me. I don't know which one it'd be...

 

[tinybrokenfingers]

if it helps you feel better, i relate to this. ive been so desperate to have someone i can curl up with, but at the same time, im deathly afraid of letting people be that close to me anymore, and as a result, i tend to push people away and isolate. its important to realize that you're not really flip-flopping, multiple things can be true at the same time, even contradictory thoughts and emotions.
id be willing to bet that youre a romantic person that was hurt too many times, and now youre experiencing the natural results from that. it sucks, and it really hurts, but in due time youll be able to heal if you allow yourself the kindness and time to do so. but also, again, multiple things can be true at the same time; there is probably a lot of fear in you and confusion about relationships, and that confusion is scary because it's an unknown with the potentially to really hurt you. its perfectly normal to find relationships scary and confusing, in fact, id say its probably abnormal if someone thinks they understand relationships.
youre not alone in your struggles, im glad you shared this. stay safe, im sending you good thoughts and best wishes.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

if it helps you feel better, i relate to this. ive been so desperate to have someone i can curl up with, but at the same time, im deathly afraid of letting people be that close to me anymore, and as a result, i tend to push people away and isolate. its important to realize that you're not really flip-flopping, multiple things can be true at the same time, even contradictory thoughts and emotions.
id be willing to bet that youre a romantic person that was hurt too many times, and now youre experiencing the natural results from that. it sucks, and it really hurts, but in due time youll be able to heal if you allow yourself the kindness and time to do so. but also, again, multiple things can be true at the same time; there is probably a lot of fear in you and confusion about relationships, and that confusion is scary because it's an unknown with the potentially to really hurt you. its perfectly normal to find relationships scary and confusing, in fact, id say its probably abnormal if someone thinks they understand relationships.
youre not alone in your struggles, im glad you shared this. stay safe, im sending you good thoughts and best wishes.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply <3 It's really confusing dealing with these thoughts. Feels like I am constantly at conflict with myself. You'd think I would be used to it by now. It's only been...however many years I have been dealing with this. It feels like most people will inevitably turn their backs on me with enough time. I have only met maybe two people in my life that have never done so. Unfortunately those two people are online friends and one of them disappeared from the internet entirely a couple of months ago. Online friends can only do so much for each other but I love them both :( I miss the one that disappeared dearly and I think about her nearly every day...

 

[Pluto]