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elderDrifter

Life is Transitory
Mar 9, 2024
38
I recently found out that the SN I ordered is known on here to be not very good at all, hence likely not good enough to CTB. I point to the thread below:




It feels like the rug got pulled out from right under me. I went from feeling such relief and confidence to simply being desperate. I want something that works so badly, and I want to believe it. I want that sense of reassurance again. I want the luxury of caring what might happen to those I leave behind, the luxury of being able to prioritize my note. I want to know and rest assured I finally have an out.


I have to now consult my list of mostly dodgy methods and hope that whichever I pull the trigger on works. My backup plan is to use the alkyl nitrites (poppers) I just ordered and hope they can finish me off. Next would be carbon monoxide poisoning, but making the preparations would likely be too suspicious to the family I live with.


Agh, this is a lot to deal with. It's not fair that reliable and peaceful outs are made difficult.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
34,285
It really is so extremely cruel how suicide is purposely made so difficult and inaccessible for people, it just leads to way more suffering, I really wish it's straightforward to just die in a guaranteed way. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.
 

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