idk what to do I'm so distracted and can't make any decision.
i have exams after 2 days and I studied well but I can't revise the lectures in these 2 days cuz of my shitty emotions which will make my work a dust pretty much but no I don't think I'm gonna be able to study, I just can't I'm in bad situation mentally.
i left my abusive family and already spent 1 year living alone in university housing, i got kicked cuz they want less people due to the pandemic and I had to go back to my family which even when I don't live with them I just wake up and sleep thinking about my past with them, I had no option but fortunately I talked to the housing and they agreed to let me come back but that's after I already got traumatized with them.
my Mom just literally admitted that she doesn't fucking care about me and she is never gonna give a fuck when my brother abuse me because she said you are inferior to him like literally she said that.
she Is super manipulative and abusive and I just feel super shit, she is supposed to be my mother.
i visit a psychoanalyst and she listen to me like 1 hour a week but in my situation I need more than that, not only to listen to me but I need to rebuild my self esteem and she doesn't provide that.
im super suicidal right now idc about life anymore, I just will put the few brothers I love in bad spot if I die, not as if they care but I still can't hurt them, im really not gonna do that, if I can just disappear while they don't know it's gonna be my dream.
oh lastly I'm still kinda afraid of hell but I'm going there anyway so I think I shouldn't care.
i have exams after 2 days and I studied well but I can't revise the lectures in these 2 days cuz of my shitty emotions which will make my work a dust pretty much but no I don't think I'm gonna be able to study, I just can't I'm in bad situation mentally.
i left my abusive family and already spent 1 year living alone in university housing, i got kicked cuz they want less people due to the pandemic and I had to go back to my family which even when I don't live with them I just wake up and sleep thinking about my past with them, I had no option but fortunately I talked to the housing and they agreed to let me come back but that's after I already got traumatized with them.
my Mom just literally admitted that she doesn't fucking care about me and she is never gonna give a fuck when my brother abuse me because she said you are inferior to him like literally she said that.
she Is super manipulative and abusive and I just feel super shit, she is supposed to be my mother.
i visit a psychoanalyst and she listen to me like 1 hour a week but in my situation I need more than that, not only to listen to me but I need to rebuild my self esteem and she doesn't provide that.
im super suicidal right now idc about life anymore, I just will put the few brothers I love in bad spot if I die, not as if they care but I still can't hurt them, im really not gonna do that, if I can just disappear while they don't know it's gonna be my dream.
oh lastly I'm still kinda afraid of hell but I'm going there anyway so I think I shouldn't care.
