GTNHisLOVE
Lowlife Pianist
- Mar 10, 2024
- 42
After all my years of existing, I've never really had what some might call a "crush" on somebody. I've never looked at someone and knew that I want to spend the rest of my life with them. But it happened!
(This is going to sound so.. cringe? But I can't help it.)
I recently noticed this person as he walked past me. I had to turn around and look at his back 4 times to confirm that what I just saw is actually real. He looked so unbelievably good. I instantly fell in love. But looks aren't everything, so I, high on the feeling of love, actually went outside of my comfort zone to get his contact details via other people who knew him. I had to ask around a bunch but it was worth it.
I messaged him on a social media platform and it took him days to even accept my friend request. But that's okay, maybe he just doesn't use that app often. We got into talking and had a bunch of conversations and his personality is even better, blah blah blah... Once again I dared to step way outside my comfort zone and asked him if he wanted to meet up with a few mutual friends. TL:DR he accepted the invite, got me way too excited, and MYSTERIOUSLY fell ill on the day before the meetup. I know for a FACT that he was, as confirmed by his friends, NOT sick. Me being there apparently made him feel so uncomfortable that he had to use the lamest excuse. Anyway, I wrote way too much but this is necessary for context.
While high on love for the first time in my life, I stepped out of my comfort zone multiple times. It only took one tiny rejection and I instantly fell down to earth. Looking back, I realize that the only thing I did was weird him out. I mean, he is 100 leagues above me. Every time I daydreamed about him and me, my face ruined it. I just ignored this feeling, as all that mattered was him. Me being in his presence would instantly take down his reputation and social status. I don't want to sound like an edgelord, but it's the truth. I would only cause damage to his precious personality. I feel utterly stupid for even trying to get close to him. I learned that love isn't for me, as I would ruin any romantic relationship with just.. the way I am. I feel horrible knowing that I will never have the relationship I dreamed of.
CTBing is literally my only option, as staying alive for the hope of love isn't an excuse I can use anymore.
(This is going to sound so.. cringe? But I can't help it.)
I recently noticed this person as he walked past me. I had to turn around and look at his back 4 times to confirm that what I just saw is actually real. He looked so unbelievably good. I instantly fell in love. But looks aren't everything, so I, high on the feeling of love, actually went outside of my comfort zone to get his contact details via other people who knew him. I had to ask around a bunch but it was worth it.
I messaged him on a social media platform and it took him days to even accept my friend request. But that's okay, maybe he just doesn't use that app often. We got into talking and had a bunch of conversations and his personality is even better, blah blah blah... Once again I dared to step way outside my comfort zone and asked him if he wanted to meet up with a few mutual friends. TL:DR he accepted the invite, got me way too excited, and MYSTERIOUSLY fell ill on the day before the meetup. I know for a FACT that he was, as confirmed by his friends, NOT sick. Me being there apparently made him feel so uncomfortable that he had to use the lamest excuse. Anyway, I wrote way too much but this is necessary for context.
While high on love for the first time in my life, I stepped out of my comfort zone multiple times. It only took one tiny rejection and I instantly fell down to earth. Looking back, I realize that the only thing I did was weird him out. I mean, he is 100 leagues above me. Every time I daydreamed about him and me, my face ruined it. I just ignored this feeling, as all that mattered was him. Me being in his presence would instantly take down his reputation and social status. I don't want to sound like an edgelord, but it's the truth. I would only cause damage to his precious personality. I feel utterly stupid for even trying to get close to him. I learned that love isn't for me, as I would ruin any romantic relationship with just.. the way I am. I feel horrible knowing that I will never have the relationship I dreamed of.
CTBing is literally my only option, as staying alive for the hope of love isn't an excuse I can use anymore.
