I thought I was going to kill myself, but now I haven't I feel lost

[justfloating]

I was so set on the idea that I was going to kill myself today or tomorrow. Now that I'm giving life a second chance at least for a little while I don't know what to do. I wasn't doing any work because I figured there was no point and now I'm so behind. Part of me wants to die so I think I may just be putting it off. I just don't know what to feel

 

[Sensei]

You're now in an unusual situation where you can do whatever you like. What do you like to do?

 

[justfloating]

You're now in an unusual situation where you can do whatever you like. What do you like to do?

nothing anymore, I not CTB because im happy, I haven't done it because I have the smallest amount of stupid hope.

if anything I wish I did have the urge to just do it

 

[gnomeboy17]

WAIT WAIT I feel exactly the same. I was going to CTB exactly 2 weeks ago, but I just decided not to. I'm still so far from happy but just didn't kms. I still want to die though. It's a really weird feeling, particularly when I've spent 5+ years actively wanting to ctb. But now it's so passive. I'm in college and got behind on work because I was going to ctb, but now I have so much it feels like I might as well ctb. Uggh.

 

[Let'sgetoutofHERE]

WAIT WAIT I feel exactly the same. I was going to CTB exactly 2 weeks ago, but I just decided not to. I'm still so far from happy but just didn't kms. I still want to die though. It's a really weird feeling, particularly when I've spent 5+ years actively wanting to ctb. But now it's so passive. I'm in college and got behind on work because I was going to ctb, but now I have so much it feels like I might as well ctb. Uggh.

I feel exactly the same way

 

[justfloating]

WAIT WAIT I feel exactly the same. I was going to CTB exactly 2 weeks ago, but I just decided not to. I'm still so far from happy but just didn't kms. I still want to die though. It's a really weird feeling, particularly when I've spent 5+ years actively wanting to ctb. But now it's so passive. I'm in college and got behind on work because I was going to ctb, but now I have so much it feels like I might as well ctb. Uggh.

I have all the want but none of the urge and its annoying. I have a CTB plan so it wouldn't be impulsive, but where are my triggers when I actually want them haha !

 

[gnomeboy17]

I have all the want but none of the urge and its annoying. I have a CTB plan so it wouldn't be impulsive, but where are my triggers when I actually want them haha !

Yes my SN stuff arrived 2 weeks ago but just didn't feel the need as much as I've spent pretty much every day for 5 years?

Feels weird tho, because this in between space is like purgatory, I don't have the joy of heaven [happiness] but I don't have the hell of sadness that I had before.

 

[justfloating]

Yes my SN stuff arrived 2 weeks ago but just didn't feel the need as much as I've spent pretty much every day for 5 years?

Feels weird tho, because this in between space is like purgatory, I don't have the joy of heaven [happiness] but I don't have the hell of sadness that I had before.

I still feel like im in hell, but its gone down by like 1 degree