Venting I thought having a job would make me less suicidal, it didn't

[3dogsinatrenchcoat]

That's about it lol
Now everyday I think "I want to quit" instead of just "I should Ctb"
It may be an inprovement, but honestly it just makes me feel like I'll never be happy with my life

I'm also running out of people to talk to, there's very few friends that I consider safe to talk about this stuff and one of them has a constantly suicidal relative who has traumatized them since I think their teenage years?
And we've been growing distant because, well my ideations have been more active, with around 4 (pathethic tbh because they were not very effective methods) attempts and I don't want to re traumatize them or trigger a crisis

Sometimes I imagine that I actually do it and they just think I ended our friendship and never find out that I died
It's kinda peaceful to think of.

I really really don't want to go to sleep, as I have to wake up very early in the morning (around 3 am) and it feels like too soon to act like I was not wishing to find the courage to Ctb

Anyways i'm sorry for the ranting/rambling and the broken English

 

[findingpeace08]

I would ask that friend that. Be honest. Tell him that maybe you will CTB, maybe he will still want too.

I have two best friends who were with me on my 2 suicide attempts. Gladly they love me and I love them and help eachother

And about work maybe if you work with something you like then you will feel better

And I would say if that friend don't want you just because of mental health problems, they don't really care about you.

 

[FF777]

not sure what to do about the emotional side of your life..

but i'll give you the same financial advice i give every one: keep an income stream coming in (from your job for now) and put at least 25% of your income in to stocks, like even just a simple S&P500 ETF which yields about 8% APY on average.. (open an account on robinhood or some where if you don't have a stock place yet).. and you take out that 25% from your income before you let your self touch the rest of it (it's called "paying your self first"), almost like it isn't even there.. make sure any settings that involve dividends are set to automatically reinvest the dividends in to buying more of the stock (at first any way.. You can later change that option to let your self start getting a passive income stream from your stock dividends once you amass a huge portion of money in the stocks, but that's much later)..

if you don't mind living with parents then it can save you a LOT of money if you don't have to pay rent or bills.. you can direct most all of your income in to the stocks..

don't spend money on frivolous things like fast-food or doordash or any thing; it's ridiculously marked up and eats your money up real fast..

stocks are a thing where it is the most boringest thing in your life when you start doing it, which is why so many young people don't care about investing, but over time it becomes the coolest thing in your life when you start reaching a point when you can start living off of the passive income from it.. it's a get-rich-slowly scheme.. but that's a lot better than the get-rich-never plan that most people default to..

sorry i yapped so much about stock stuff out of no where.. but don't quit your job, because income is too valuable to you.. if you don't like the job then try to find a different job you can switch to.. go in to a field you like, like IT or maybe a trade school or some thing, and then you can start making really good money and do some thing you kind of enjoy, and can be investing in to stocks at the same time..