I think this might be it

[usernamesarehard]

I....I think I'm going to eat bitter almonds. I've had what I hope are bitter almonds for a while now. I was always too scared to use them. And now I'm just done.

My boyfriend broke up with me. There wasn't a reason, just that he wasn't in love with me anymore. He still loves me, but the feelings are gone.

He said it was a personality difference at first and then mentioned some other stuff going on in his life. I hoped that fixing some things would fix that. I hoped that he was going through something and needed time to work through what ever it was.

I talked to him today and he said plain and simple that he just wasn't in love with me anymore. I planned on calling him in a year and see if things changed. But I know now they won't.

And now I'm just broken. What's the point of trying to find someone else if this can just happen again? What's the point anymore? I've been holding on for so long. Because of fear and depression and indecisiveness and not really knowing what I want. But now, there's nothing left. No hope no care. I just want the pain to stop. I've wanted it for a while, but this just threw me off the cliff.

 

[Carrot]

What's the point of trying to find someone else if this can just happen again? What's the point anymore?

The point is to try until it works. I understand giving up though.

 

[AuroraB]

Perspective of a woman probably old enough to be your grandmother: there are reasons to CTB but young love (esp. first love) is NOT one of them. I have lived more than 6 decades now and when I look back on all the wanna-die-now heartbreaks from high school to age 30, all that pain is long, long gone. Break ups are horrible. But a good life is possible without the heartbreak of romance. There are so many studies that single people are actually happier/more secure. Please wait and think this through.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to be free from all the suffering, I hope that you find the relief you search for.

 

[DistinctiveUsername]

And now I'm just broken. What's the point of trying to find someone else if this can just happen again?

Maybe for you there is no point, what about trying to live by yourself then?

Think for a couple of weeks about whether your life was actually somehow different when you were with him, before making any big decisions. Understand that now you are affected by sense of loss, wait untill it`s gone and then decide if relationship made a difference.

Break-ups are shit though, I feel sorry that I can not ease your pain in that moment. But you know that it will go away with time.

 

[usernamesarehard]

The point is to try until it works. I understand giving up though.

Idk if I'm going to ctb tonight. I think things kinda calmed down, but yeah as far as relationships go I think I'm going to avoid those for now. If it was pretty much any other reason, I could probably get over it. But I don't really want to deal with getting attached to a person just for them to leave because they don't have feelings for me anymore. There's not really much you can do to avoid that situation.

Perspective of a woman probably old enough to be your grandmother: there are reasons to CTB but young love (esp. first love) is NOT one of them. I have lived more than 6 decades now and when I look back on all the wanna-die-now heartbreaks from high school to age 30, all that pain is long, long gone. Break ups are horrible. But a good life is possible without the heartbreak of romance. There are so many studies that single people are actually happier/more secure. Please wait and think this through.

Thanks for the perspective. I know logically I'll get over it. I think it was just the finally giving up hope that broke me. It's not just that. It's the hopelessness of maybe never owning a home with how high house prices are, I'm saving, but it feels pointless. The feeling that I'll never get to leave home and be a 'real' adult. The misery of being in a city I hate and tried to escape, only to be tied down. And now my days just feel so empty. I wake up too early and am just aimlessly wandering around until I can go to work. The weekends are long and boring. Idk, it just feels like I don't really have much in my life that I'm happy with and this is another nail in to coffin. But, yeah I'll think about it some more before doing anything.

 

[Kittywuzhere.]

Perspective of a woman probably old enough to be your grandmother: there are reasons to CTB but young love (esp. first love) is NOT one of them. I have lived more than 6 decades now and when I look back on all the wanna-die-now heartbreaks from high school to age 30, all that pain is long, long gone. Break ups are horrible. But a good life is possible without the heartbreak of romance. There are so many studies that single people are actually happier/more secure. Please wait and think this through.

Holy shit what was john f kennedy like???

 

[usernamesarehard]

I also just wish to be free from all the suffering, I hope that you find the relief you search for.

Thank you. That means a lot to me. I hope you can get away from the suffering too, how ever you choose to do that.

Maybe for you there is no point, what about trying to live by yourself then?

Think for a couple of weeks about whether your life was actually somehow different when you were with him, before making any big decisions. Understand that now you are affected by sense of loss, wait untill it`s gone and then decide if relationship made a difference.

Break-ups are shit though, I feel sorry that I can not ease your pain in that moment. But you know that it will go away with time.

I've been by myself for years. It's torture. I have always had a hard time creating long lasting friendships. Never could find someone until him. Not having any social interaction is a miserable way to live. I've also been touch starved for a long time before we got together and now I'm going back to that.
It definitely did make a difference. Having someone you could talk to is an amazing gift. I have family and one friend, but I can't really talk about depression or suicide with them. I tried once in highschool and there was a lot of 'don't do this because it would hurt us.' He went through that too and wasn't judgmental or tried to make me feel bad about any of it. Also having a partner, at least for me is different from having family. I think saying I 'need' a partner is a bit of an exaggeration. I don't need one, but I don't think I'll really be happy without one. The support and touch you get from a partner is just different.
I will give it some time though and see how I feel in a bit. I already have my method and it's been safe for at least a year maybe closer to 2? So I know it's not going anywhere and will be safe.
Thank you

 

[darksouls]

wish you the best

 

[idontwanttosuffer]

Bitter almonds or any cyanide containing seeds is a very painful way to go. But, best of luck.

 

[AuroraB]

Holy shit what was john f kennedy like???

LOL. I was 1 when he was killed.

Idk if I'm going to ctb tonight. I think things kinda calmed down, but yeah as far as relationships go I think I'm going to avoid those for now. If it was pretty much any other reason, I could probably get over it. But I don't really want to deal with getting attached to a person just for them to leave because they don't have feelings for me anymore. There's not really much you can do to avoid that situation.

Thanks for the perspective. I know logically I'll get over it. I think it was just the finally giving up hope that broke me. It's not just that. It's the hopelessness of maybe never owning a home with how high house prices are, I'm saving, but it feels pointless. The feeling that I'll never get to leave home and be a 'real' adult. The misery of being in a city I hate and tried to escape, only to be tied down. And now my days just feel so empty. I wake up too early and am just aimlessly wandering around until I can go to work. The weekends are long and boring. Idk, it just feels like I don't really have much in my life that I'm happy with and this is another nail in to coffin. But, yeah I'll think about it some more before doing anything.

Lots of truth here about home affordability, cities/jobs we hate, etc.....much empathy.

 

[StupidCat]

Why women want to ctb because of a MAN of all things. It kinda pisses me off.