Venting I think I'm supposed to ctb all my life

[Thequietone]

Like I was born as a premature (10 weeks) had issues all my childhood, had an abusive father and a mother that was helpless over it, no siblings. We were not poor but still had some financial difficulties sometimes, my dad and my mom both have chronical health issues and were overweight. They raised me very strict with no freedom but in the same time they gave me a lot of fastfood which lead to me being overweight as well. I got bullied, we had family struggles and we have cut contact to a few people.

After I couldn't take it anymore, I started to cut myself when I was 14 (24 now) now I got my own home and a good job but I'm not happy about all that. I have no connection to myself or my life anymore.

I prepared my death, wrote notes last year, I know the spot, I know how, I know which season and have a date, I planned my funeral as well but idk if I will be able to commit. I hope so because I think everything that happened was a sign to kill myself. I have thoughts for over 10 years, last year was the first time I thought like yeah I should do it, it is the best for me.

I'm not meant to be here, I never had a relationship, I have no dreams or goals, I don't care about my career or travelling. All things people do to stay alive are nothing for me.

 

[Lone Wanderer]

Sounds a bit rough. I'm sorry for what you have gone thru. I just want you to know you're not alone and you don't have to be. But whatever you end up doing I hope you find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also don't see myself as being meant for this world at all. I really should have left a while ago, but in reality I should have never existed in the first place. I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. It really is such a cruel and horrible existence. I hope that in whatever happens you find relief, as none of us should ever have to experience pain.

 

[Thequietone]

Sounds a bit rough. I'm sorry for what you have gone thru. I just want you to know you're not alone and you don't have to be. But whatever you end up doing I hope you find peace.

Thank you, means a lot.

Yeah finding peace is something I would really like to have.

I'm also not that afraid of dying anymore

I also don't see myself as being meant for this world at all. I really should have left a while ago, but in reality I should have never existed in the first place. I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. It really is such a cruel and horrible existence. I hope that in whatever happens you find relief, as none of us should ever have to experience pain.

Thanks for your reply. Yeah I guess it made me what I am now.

 

[Lone Wanderer]

Thank you, means a lot.

Yeah finding peace is something I would really like to have.

I'm also not that afraid of dying anymore

Thanks for your reply. Yeah I guess it made me what I am now.

I'm also not afraid of dying anymore. A bit excited for it actually.