I think I'm done trying

[hopelessgirl]

I know I said I was gonna try for another year. But I don't think I have it in me anymore. Ive been fighting this since 2016, and my self made mental prison cell, is just getting smaller and smaller. Believing that I can get back to living a worthy life when I'm at this low, when I clearly didn't even make it when I was a lot less "sick" as they call it, I think it is just naive. I don't want to fight it anymore. I want my rest. My boyfriend is going on a job trip next week and I'll have 12+ hours alone to drink my SN. You can expect a goodbye post from me. Of course I have no idea if I'll really be able to go through with it. But I'll try. I have benzos and I've tried to prepare as much as I can, and I feel like I'm ready for the side effects from it. I'm just done with trying, and I am feeling this accepting calm of my death being in a week and the soothness of surrender of not having to try anymore. I've lived my life.

 

[Al Cappella]

I really feel what you're going through. I hope you can find some small comfort, and eventually peace. It's ok to let go…

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that it has come to this. I know that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. This life is very tiring and to me it is just a pointless struggle. I understand your feelings of wanting to rest. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[katagiri83]

I know I said I was gonna try for another year. But I don't think I have it in me anymore. Ive been fighting this since 2016, and my self made mental prison cell, is just getting smaller and smaller.

You've described it very well, I can feel the heaviness of carrying around that mental prison also, that heaviness one feels with every breath. Truly exhausting. Hope you're considering any other viable options before the final decision . Inbox always open if you want to chat.

 

[ikadasui]

I really feel the "done trying" aspect of what you're saying. I'm tough as hell I think and frankly I could keep fighting, but for what? There isn't anything that's going to magically change my life short of a miracle and even IF! I got it i'd still come up short on certain aspects that are deal breakers. Every day I just feel like I'm living a video game while on newgame+ i've done everything allotted to me within my circumstances and now it's just forever on repeat. Nothing left to look forward to and nothing worth fighting for anymore I've bottomed out

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Sending you much love and light. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is a pain that is unexplainable to many. If you can sit there and say you tried your hardest and it still didn't feel like enough, I'd say that's fair. Your feelings are valid. *internet hugs*

I hope that with whichever path you take, that you find the peace you desire. <3