Venting I think I have PMDD

[slightoverlooked]

It never occured to me why my suicide attempts happen during this specific time and why i get extremely impulsive and depressed. I can barely function sometimes. the intensity depends on my general mood and when i feel okay its not that bad but the last time (a couple of days ago) i couldnt leave my bed for 3 days and i cried for 5-8 hours a day. I was yelling at my mom that i want to kill myself and that i dont care anymore how it affects her (i apologized for it)..well still i want to die but i shouldnt have said that. i dont wanna suffer for others anymore and honestly i have no idea if there is any way to avoid this.
im already chronically severely depressed since im a kid so i already live with depression, ed and probably cyclothymia…PMDD is making it sm worse..

But at the same time…there r so many things I enjoy about life..spending time with friends, my hobbies, my favorite character and media, anime/manga conventions…If i would have a normal brain I wouldnt be like this lol..

I hate antidepressants so im not taking them (i tried so many already and the side effects are not worth it)..so idk if there is even a way for me to fix this..

im not posting this in recovery bc im not trying to recover. I will probably ctb in 2 years when im still single bc i dont wanna be over 25 and unkissed lol (not like there arent ppl out there who havent confessed but i wanna find the right person..and that person doesnt seem to exist).

this thread feels like i just word vomited all my thoughts..sorry

 

[Jadeith]

sorry

Please, don't be. First of all, that's what this place is for and second, venting proves to be effective source of relief, at least for some people so..... speak your mind freely and don't feel bad about it.

 

[grapevoid]

It never occured to me why my suicide attempts happen during this specific time and why i get extremely impulsive and depressed. I can barely function sometimes. the intensity depends on my general mood and when i feel okay its not that bad but the last time (a couple of days ago) i couldnt leave my bed for 3 days and i cried for 5-8 hours a day. I was yelling at my mom that i want to kill myself and that i dont care anymore how it affects her (i apologized for it)..well still i want to die but i shouldnt have said that. i dont wanna suffer for others anymore and honestly i have no idea if there is any way to avoid this.
im already chronically severely depressed since im a kid so i already live with depression, ed and probably cyclothymia…PMDD is making it sm worse..

But at the same time…there r so many things I enjoy about life..spending time with friends, my hobbies, my favorite character and media, anime/manga conventions…If i would have a normal brain I wouldnt be like this lol..

I hate antidepressants so im not taking them (i tried so many already and the side effects are not worth it)..so idk if there is even a way for me to fix this..

im not posting this in recovery bc im not trying to recover. I will probably ctb in 2 years when im still single bc i dont wanna be over 25 and unkissed lol (not like there arent ppl out there who havent confessed but i wanna find the right person..and that person doesnt seem to exist).

this thread feels like i just word vomited all my thoughts..sorry

Hi, I also have this tortuous curse of womanhood and over the years the cycle has worn on me to the point that I actually started trying to CTB but only for one week a month LOL anyway, do you already take birth control? Birth control reduced my symptoms tenfold. Even if you're not trying to recover … it could help you be a little less uncomfortable for those days leading up to your period.

 

[slightoverlooked]

Hi, I also have this tortuous curse of womanhood and over the years the cycle has worn on me to the point that I actually started trying to CTB but only for one week a month LOL anyway, do you already take birth control? Birth control reduced my symptoms tenfold. Even if you're not trying to recover … it could help you be a little less uncomfortable for those days leading up to your period.

all my 4 suicide attempts happened during that time :(( and one time landed me in the psych ward for 2 months...but yea no one takes women serious,....god i hate this world sm.
tbh im very anti birthcontrol. i dont ever want to be put on hormones bc the side effects are not worth it plus im a virgin and that probably wont change unless i meet a guy who i genuinely trust which would probably take 1-2 years of a relationship. and even then i wouldnt take it.

 

[LimpandNumb]

Oh my yes! I get this so much.
Birth control can help as suggested, I've also used hrt- but I'm closer to 40yrs.
best wishes

 

[grapevoid]

all my 4 suicide attempts happened during that time :(( and one time landed me in the psych ward for 2 months...but yea no one takes women serious,....god i hate this world sm.
tbh im very anti birthcontrol. i dont ever want to be put on hormones bc the side effects are not worth it plus im a virgin and that probably wont change unless i meet a guy who i genuinely trust which would probably take 1-2 years of a relationship. and even then i wouldnt take it.

Idk if there is another way to fix the hormone imbalance that causes pmdd but I tried a lot of SSRIs and they didn't do anything to help. Could possibly be controlled through strict diet and exercise (for example not eating highly processed foods or foods that promote estrogen production)

When I was hospitalized they tried to tell me they don't give birth control in the psych ward and I lost my shit because I swear it's the only thing that keeps me even somewhat sane. They eventually gave in and brought me birth control

 

[slightoverlooked]

Idk if there is another way to fix the hormone imbalance that causes pmdd but I tried a lot of SSRIs and they didn't do anything to help. Could possibly be controlled through strict diet and exercise (for example not eating highly processed foods or foods that promote estrogen production)

When I was hospitalized they tried to tell me they don't give birth control in the psych ward and I lost my shit because I swear it's the only thing that keeps me even somewhat sane. They eventually gave in and brought me birth control

man im sorry to hear that :/ the way woman are not taken serious in this society truly makes me even angrier...

SSRI r horrible for me personally. Either turns me into an emotionless corpse and thats horrible bc even tho im suicidal and very depressed i feel emotions intensely (positive ones as well)..im known for being a very energetic person and i dont wanna be like a zombie :(( i like how i am...
or they make me even more suicidal lol! and the million other side effects that they bring...

PMDD just worries me bc i dont want to ctb impulsively. especially since I have SN available in my house rn...i want to wait till im 25...well thats what my logical brain tells me. sometimes it doesnt feel like it makes sense to wait

 

[grapevoid]

man im sorry to hear that :/ the way woman are not taken serious in this society truly makes me even angrier...

SSRI r horrible for me personally. Either turns me into an emotionless corpse and thats horrible bc even tho im suicidal and very depressed i feel emotions intensely (positive ones as well)..im known for being a very energetic person and i dont wanna be like a zombie :(( i like how i am...
or they make me even more suicidal lol! and the million other side effects that they bring...

PMDD just worries me bc i dont want to ctb impulsively. especially since I have SN available in my house rn...i want to wait till im 25...well thats what my logical brain tells me. sometimes it doesnt feel like it makes sense to wait

Are you tracking your cycle? Sometimes it helps me to know so when I start to feel that way I can at least try to recognize it.. though I'm not always successful. Sometimes I'm just a mess then it starts and Im like oh.. ok well it makes sense now. LOL

 

[slightoverlooked]

Are you tracking your cycle? Sometimes it helps me to know so when I start to feel that way I can at least try to recognize it.. though I'm not always successful. Sometimes I'm just a mess then it starts and Im like oh.. ok well it makes sense now. LOL

tbh im not LMAO..maybe I should start..probably should have done that earlier but i never rlly bothered bc my period gets irregular occasionally bc of my ed…sigh..

 

[strawberrydino]

It never occured to me why my suicide attempts happen during this specific time and why i get extremely impulsive and depressed. I can barely function sometimes. the intensity depends on my general mood and when i feel okay its not that bad but the last time (a couple of days ago) i couldnt leave my bed for 3 days and i cried for 5-8 hours a day. I was yelling at my mom that i want to kill myself and that i dont care anymore how it affects her (i apologized for it)..well still i want to die but i shouldnt have said that. i dont wanna suffer for others anymore and honestly i have no idea if there is any way to avoid this.
im already chronically severely depressed since im a kid so i already live with depression, ed and probably cyclothymia…PMDD is making it sm worse..

But at the same time…there r so many things I enjoy about life..spending time with friends, my hobbies, my favorite character and media, anime/manga conventions…If i would have a normal brain I wouldnt be like this lol..

I hate antidepressants so im not taking them (i tried so many already and the side effects are not worth it)..so idk if there is even a way for me to fix this..

im not posting this in recovery bc im not trying to recover. I will probably ctb in 2 years when im still single bc i dont wanna be over 25 and unkissed lol (not like there arent ppl out there who havent confessed but i wanna find the right person..and that person doesnt seem to exist).

this thread feels like i just word vomited all my thoughts..sorry

hey i dont have any new advice, but i really empathize with you. everytime i stop sh i eventually end up starting again a week before my period. it helps knowing why youre so depressed a little , not that much tho. i really hope you know youre worst days dont represent you and that life has its moments like you said. reach out if u wanna talk(tho if our cycles sync up it might be bad)