Story I think I finally get it. I'm just a terrible person.

[hihi2027]

Ive always wondered why i felt like ctb'ing all the time, but its obvious now. Im just a complete waste of time and worthless human being who deserves no one. Let me tell you a story. I actually had a friend once. We met in middle school and had an... alright relationship. I'm describing the friendship in a shakey manner because I'm pretty sure I was just his last option when his better friends werent available. I know this because over the summer before school started I tried to message him to hang out but he just ghosted me the entire summer. No message to even say "sorry maybe another time", he just didnt bother responding. When school came around he just smiled at me like he didnt just ghost me the entire summer. But I dont blame him. I am the most boring friend you can ever have. Im not smart, Im not funny, Im not good conversation, Im just boring. One kid that I used to sort of be chummy with just flat out said one day, "youre really boring". They would proceed to s### on me for the rest of the year, until the final year where they tried to act friendly but never really apologized for treating me like s###. Ive never had a girlfriend or a friend that I could be comfortable just... talking to. Actually just talk. Because, like he said, im boring. My mind is just an echo chamber of ctb, repeating the same negative thoughts of self hate and worthlessness. When my head is full of s###, theres no space to be interesting i suppose. I think that is why my posts arent that reacted or commented to. I'm just not interesting enough to warrant a response. I can read other peoples stories and they live way more fleshed out life than my own, and they can write together words in a way that I never could. But i guess thats why i ended up here. Im not good enough to be listened to long term, or even if someone offered, I'd just mess it up anyway. My words are like a broken radio with statix. Maybe some words come out, but its mostly just a garbagled mess of nonsense that no one will understand. That it what it feels like

 

[0x64]

what interests or hobby's do you have?

 

[hihi2027]

what interests or hobby's do you have?

When I was younger, I hoped that I could just play video games for the rest of my life but life demands more than that. My next dream was to become either a game developer or make a manga styled series. But I gave up once I realized that I wasn't talented enough for the first or second. Also the fact that artist jobs just don't make enough money to be worth it. I personally wouldn't want to mix my hobbies with work anyway. These days, I would like to complete one final project before I go. While I don't care to enter the art industry or games industry, I still enjoy playing video games. I want to create a giant collection of fan games dedicated to my favorite game series of all time. I hope you don't mind my vagueness but I do want to keep this account separate from my other one on less 'outcast' platfor. I hope you understand but this is what I want before i die. I hope I can get into a position where this goal is possible. Thank you for replying.