I think as cliche as it sounds I'm going to do it on or at most, a few days after my birthday

[BornBrief]

If I can make it there... which is the end of September... that's the ideal. I want to enjoy myself, and hang out with my friends and feel like everything is normal. None of them will know. I'll be 30. I always tried to make it as far as I could. The hole is too deep though that it goes beyond my mental issues.

The hardest part about this is every time I go into deep thought about this, my cat seems to gravitate towards me, meowing loudly in my face and cuddling. It's like he knows and I feel guilty. All I want is for him to be well taken care of after I go. I hate I can't guarantee it even though I think I know he will have a good home with the person I leave him with before CTBing,. I wish I could do it with him but I'm too afraid that will mess up who takes ownership.

Is it cruel for me to do it then? I don't speak to my family... but I feel certain people may be emotionally affected by my decision. Via reget or otherwise. Maybe it's best to do it then anyways, though. I feel like it maybe avoids a double reminder of my existence for those who knew me and cared about me.

Just a random buzzed post, anyway... maybe it's bad I have SN. Someone said that to me and I thought it didn't make sense. But it's on my mind a lot knowing, I can. That being said - It feels like there has never been a question as to whether I do it or not, just a when. I feel lucky to have found a way to leave relatively peacefully.

beep boop.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living really can be painful. I understand how you feel about your cat, pets are important to me as well. If this is the option you want then I wish you peace.

 

[Loneliest]

My birthday is on the end of Sept too. I wanted to off myself last year but didn't end up doing it because of my ex. It's almost Sept again, can you believe I wasted another year on this bullshit urghh!

 

[nobodyspecial]

I've given my birthday consideration as well. It's in November so we'll see how that goes. It'll likely just be a random day that breaks me once and for all.

 

[IanUK]

It's not a cliche it's when you are ready. I live day after day feeling worse but I still need to find a relatively painless and certain method because knowing my luck I will fail and be reliant on others to survive the rest of my days which for a misogynist like me is my idea of hell.

 

[BrokenArrow]

There's a huge thing with birthdays, isn't there?

I recently turned 29 and it was a huge deal whether I did it before or after my birthday. "Dying at 28 is way better than 29" I kept thinking. It doesn't really even make sense tho lol

Now I'm 29 and I think "I HAVE to do it before 30".

Ultimately, I think it's just our own brains tricking us into a sense of urgency for a multitude of dumb reasons.

Doing it 1 day before your 30th, or one day after your 30th won't make any difference. Or a month either side...

I just realized I'm buzzed too and don't really have any advice. Oh well...

 

[MellowAvenue]

I had this thought the first time I was serious about attempting. I feel kind of silly looking back on it but I think it has this weird "full circle" kind of appeal to it. Ultimately though the day you do it if you choose to do so will probably just be a footnote put on your obituary and gravestone, thrown into conversation while those who cared mourn for you. I don't think it will worsen nor alleviate the impact your death may have on people.

I hope you find peace with whatever you choose to do.

 

[deadngone28]

Tomorrow is my birthday. All I can think about is how much I don't want to be here for it. I wish I had the guts to ctb before then. I'm dreading it. What is there to be happy about, why would I want to celebrate another year of being here when all I want is to not be here anymore. I don't want to face it. Don't want to have to fake smile and say thank you. I'm so tired of the fake smiles.

 

[Bullit]

Its been two and a half years I've been thinking king about ctb! I don't know when ill finally set me self free, but it won't be any particularly "meaningful" day,like Christmas or National Aardvark Day, it'll just be when me ready!!
Beep boop

 

[lovehate22]

i love you, ps i turned 30 a few months ago !!

 

[Aap]

It will be harder on your family if you do it near or on an important date.

 

[SuicidalAgain]

I don't think it's bad to have SN. You got it in the first place because you were already thinking of ctb, better than doing it on impulse with an unreliable method. To me having the SN removed the sense of urgency I used to have before. It was relief to get a relatively peaceful method I can resort to when things start to become too much. I know I will end it. The question is when.

Not long ago I had a breakdown and my cat came to lay by my side for quite a while. He usually comes to me for petting, but never really to sit still by me, so that was sweet. And some people say cats are jerks
I hope the person you leave your cat with takes good care of him.

 

[BornBrief]

There's a huge thing with birthdays, isn't there?

I recently turned 29 and it was a huge deal whether I did it before or after my birthday. "Dying at 28 is way better than 29" I kept thinking. It doesn't really even make sense tho lol

Now I'm 29 and I think "I HAVE to do it before 30".

Ultimately, I think it's just our own brains tricking us into a sense of urgency for a multitude of dumb reasons.

Doing it 1 day before your 30th, or one day after your 30th won't make any difference. Or a month either side...

I just realized I'm buzzed too and don't really have any advice. Oh well...

When I wrote this I guess I was feeling pretty hopeless and it seemed like a good time because I was feeling the pressure of existing.

Seems pretty arbitrary/silly now, you're right. It's not so much being 30 that matters to me. I just wanted to have a really good last time with friends and stuff before going and it seemed like a good time.
Ideally I go until I can't anymore, circumstantially. Just scraping by these days but I don't feel like I want to go right now, so I guess that's good

I don't think it's bad to have SN. You got it in the first place because you were already thinking of ctb, better than doing it on impulse with an unreliable method. To me having the SN removed the sense of urgency I used to have before. It was relief to get a relatively peaceful method I can resort to when things start to become too much. I know I will end it. The question is when.

Not long ago I had a breakdown and my cat came to lay by my side for quite a while. He usually comes to me for petting, but never really to sit still by me, so that was sweet. And some people say cats are jerks
I hope the person you leave your cat with takes good care of him.

I felt the same way. I felt like I needed to CTB before, but having it gave me a sense of comfort to keep trying and see how things go for now. So I know if things really go south I can make my plans.

thankfully my cat will keep it from ever being impulsive/on the spot. So I will have to really want to do it.
I hope so too. He is the sweetest and most loving cat and animal I've ever met :)

 

[Lost Magic]

When I hit 30 (nothing to do with the age itself) life went right down hill. I hope I am gone well before I get to the other big milestone. I have almost hit rock bottom and I doubt I can can gain any mileage now.

 

[cantwaitbefree]

I thought about doing it close to my birthday, but its half a year waiting