Venting I should be alone, I am like a virus

[idiot_dad]

I got married young, and my wife has stuck with me all these years. I have kids. It was selfish of me to bring other people into my life. I am damaged and toxic. I suppose my punishment is that I need to stay alive for my wife and children, as my suicide would impact them worse than anything else at this stage. Part of me just wants to leave my family and send them the money that I earn. I just want to disappear completely, but I know that's not possible. My life is hell.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Life really is so terrible. I can relate to just wanting to disappear. I wish you the best.

 

[Chiisai]

I got married young, and my wife has stuck with me all these years. I have kids. It was selfish of me to bring other people into my life. I am damaged and toxic. I suppose my punishment is that I need to stay alive for my wife and children, as my suicide would impact them worse than anything else at this stage. Part of me just wants to leave my family and send them the money that I earn. I just want to disappear completely, but I know that's not possible. My life is hell.

I feel you. In my culture, I should be married at my age but these thoughts are what is making me hesitate. I used to think having a family is what's going to save me and be normal but now Im hesitating if I could really be good for my family or will my brokenness/trauma affect them and that is what I dont want at all because I dont want to hurt people. I am just trying to live by and gain as much financial stability as I can hoping that when time comes Im gone, the wealth left behind would outweigh the hurt my family would feel without me.