i really don’t know where to go from here

[a333]

i am a young person living in australia. i only turned 18 this year (2023) and i want nothing more then to leave this world unnoticed. my life has been fucking tragic every step of the way. i would like to genuinely get over these ongoing health problems but there is no end to them, i truely believe i am going to suffer for as long as i am around. long story short (not really short lol) i couldn't live with my family due to being kicked out, family break down and family violence. i have been on my own since i was 16. i finished year 10 with my grandparents then was kicked out from there after my grandparents found drugs i was taking at the time. i stayed with a childhood friend for 2/3 of a year before moving into my own apartment. i was trying to get help while i was there but due to being at high risk of suicide (i was living on my own for the first time) i was encouraged to move by doctors to prevent myself from doing anything. i really wish i hadn't moved. i moved in with my aunt who lives in lower class Australia with her daughter.

now i am in a place where i have found help but i'm overwhelmed by the becoming and being an adult. and the financial crisis we are currently going through. i can not stress the amount of stress this has put on me. while i have made huge personal strides this year (found good therapy, sober, back on medication, started gym, started work) i am worse then i have ever been just masking it in order to get on with things and not worry the people in my life.

i want to ctb but equally want to get better. i can't decide what to do, but the end "product" of being better feels so far away and dystopian to me.


tldr:
i have no career aspirations, hardly any social life, or financial stability. i regret so much and want to forget and leave. i don't know what to do now and i think i'm ready to give up

any advice on getting on top of health, finding financial stability, maintaining friendships and relationships is more then welcome, thank you <3

 

[manuel1056x]

I feel similar to you. I also just turned 18 and am struggling to cope. I have a job but no friends really, I just feel unwanted and lost. I too am thinking about suicide. Like you, I'm also very unsure. .In my life I have often (or sometimes) had the situation where things got better. Sometimes you meet the best people when you least expect it, of course you have to do a little to make it happen. .I try to do my best and save suicide for a new low point in my life in the future, like when I lose my job. I don't know if that's how it works with the suicidal thoughts, Every night I wish I were dead, so maybe not the right way. If you are unsure, I recommend waiting. I'm really sorry for everything you've been through. Especially family. That sounds really ugly. It can actually only get better or worse (The probability that it will get better is much higher than that it will get worse). But that's just my opinion. I wish you good luck and that you become happy..