I need help with my mom

[mentalhealthfighter]

Basically, how do I deal with my mom who is stopping me from CTB. She wants me to suffer through everything because I HAVE to stay alive. I just want to have a peaceful exit. We are going to call a suicide hotline about ordering SN/N

 

[tired868686]

I know it sounds cliche but your Mum loves you and doesn't want to lose you.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice to give.
Are you calling a suicide hotline because you have SN/N?

 

[befree]

Basically, how do I deal with my mom who is stopping me from CTB. She wants me to suffer through everything because I HAVE to stay alive. I just want to have a peaceful exit. We are going to call a suicide hotline about ordering SN/N

Are you sure you want to call a suicide hotline and tell them that you want to die ? They won´t tell you where to order N or SN. Be careful. You don´t want to end up in psych. ward, right ?

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

Are you sure you want to call a suicide hotline and tell them that you want to die ? They won´t tell you where to order N or SN. Be careful. You don´t want to end up in psych. ward, right ?

I'm already in a psych ward.

 

[Anxieyote]

While I was in the ward, Mom told me "I don't want to be the mother of a son who killed himself". It's about ego, just as much as it is about maintaining some elements of familiarity for comfort. You're "supposed" to live until you're 88-years-old and pass away in a nursing home, so that Mom doesn't have a tragic blemish on the life she tries to curate for people. If we lose our battle with mental health, her parenting and support will be called into question as well, so it's in their best interest to keep us alive, no matter what.

Unfortunately, this means that our suicide will have to be planned alone and in secret. We will never get our parent's approval or blessing, no matter how well we articulate our suffering or reasons for wanting to die.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

I know it sounds cliche but your Mum loves you and doesn't want to lose you.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice to give.
Are you calling a suicide hotline because you have SN/N?

No, because I want to get SN/N and me and my mom need an agreement

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds like a difficult situation to be in. Others should have no right to interfere with our suicide plans, suicide should be respected as a personal decision and nobody should be forced to live against their wishes. I think that this is why I see it as a good idea to never tell others about wanting to ctb. Most suicidal people keep their plans secret from others unless they are able to get assisted suicide/euthanasia option. We live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised after all. I hope that in whatever happens you find relief from your suffering.

 

[SexyIncél]

My advice is only for adults. If you're not yet an adult, I'd feel bad helping you die (at least with such little info), so my advice won't apply here

Looking at your past posts... well, your problem is your relationship with your mom. You're likely traumatizing her. It's doomed to expect your mom, who birthed you (as horrible as you may find that), to be complicit in your death. Just generally not a winnable situation, regardless of what we may prefer

 

[tired868686]

No, because I want to get SN/N and me and my mom need an agreement

I appreciate what your saying but I'm not sure any mother (maybe a few exceptions) would want their child to die.
It does suck though that you're having such difficulty and I hope you find relief soon.

 

[GasMonkey]

A reliable CTB needs autonomy, you need to live alone with no one minding your business.

 

[HateMyPointlessLife]

My mother guilts me into staying alive and tells me suicide is the worst thing I could do to her. But spends most days telling me I make her miserable, and that I'm a waste of space, and an embarrassment, and that she wishes she didn't have to deal with me anymore. It's hypocritical. I think it's more about the guilt she would feel if I did CTB. But she still won't make an effort to stop treating me like I am worthless

 

[SexyIncél]

My mother guilts me into staying alive and tells me suicide is the worst thing I could do to her. But spends most days telling me I make her miserable, and that I'm a waste of space, and an embarrassment, and that she wishes she didn't have to deal with me anymore. It's hypocritical. I think it's more about the guilt she would feel if I did CTB. But she still won't make an effort to stop treating me like I am worthless

Can you get away from her, or at least credibly threaten to sever contact each time she steps over the line? (With follow-through?) She's abusive and is crushing you only for her own satisfaction. She does not love you; this is not what actual love looks like.

 

[HateMyPointlessLife]

Can you get away from her, or at least credibly threaten to sever contact each time she steps over the line? (With follow-through?) She's abusive and is crushing you only for her own satisfaction. She does not love you; this is not what actual love looks like.

I'm dealing with agoraphobia, and other health problems, that stop me being able to leave the house. I highly suspect my mother is a covert narcissistic who is skilled at manipulation, and playing the victim in every situation, and turning people against me. And who uses my illnesses against me, and sabotages any attempts I make to try and get away, or to make my life in any way slightly better, or trying to prevent my ctb attempts. But I'm hoping to get my chance to ctb soon. So I don't have to deal with it all anymore.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

I'm dealing with agoraphobia, and other health problems, that stop me being able to leave the house. I highly suspect my mother is a covert narcissistic who is skilled at manipulation, and playing the victim in every situation, and turning people against me. And who uses my illnesses against me, and sabotages any attempts I make to try and get away, or to make my life in any way slightly better, or trying to prevent my ctb attempts. But I'm hoping to get my chance to ctb soon. So I don't have to deal with it all anymore.

How are u gonna CTB if u got your mom stopping you?

 

[FrozenMango]

my opinion is unpopular but I suggest not talking to you mom about CTB. She seems stressed about it

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

my opinion is unpopular but I suggest not talking to you mom about CTB. She seems stressed about it

I'm trying but its hard

 

[blackwidow]

this is such a hugely difficult one.. now your mum knows she's going to want to stop you and try every trick in the book... your her child, what else can she do. Be a little odd if she just said "yeah go for it" all though I'm sure that applies to some in here. your in a no win situation. she will never stop trying to stop you. Try and Imagine you had a child and they wanted to ctb... you may understand a little of how she feels.

 

[toseeyousmile]

I know how you feel, going through it myself rn too actually. I don't really have much holding me back other than this. Based on some previous experience she's had, ctb is a definitely possibility from me. So even without any solid evidence or anything she's still somehow realized it that I'm gonna ctb soon. Like at random she just says to not leave her and that she's scared of me ctbing. If not for this protective instinct I think I would've been gone. The only way I've been convincing myself is that it's the only way.