i need a better antidepressant

[nitritegirl]

i think it's clear from my posts that my antidepressants aren't working at all. so, years ago i took escitalopram (lexapro), which i don't think changed a whole lot for me, but made me eat less. later i changed to sertraline, which its first week almost made me ctb it was fucking awful (why do ssris begin like that?) then i changed to venlafaxine and it was quite good honestly, but i did not like the negative sexual side-effects and i stopped it. (it was very dumb of me to do that, nowadays i don't even care about that i'd even say that that would be good for me rn). i then began mirtazapine and am with it ever since. it has made me eat more and my sleep is better, but i don't think it's actually improving my humor. i think it is making my depressive episodes last for less time, but they are still very strong when they happen. today i almost ctb, and many days i get urges to ctb and feel horrible. i know antidepressants aren't perfect and can't fix everything but if i am feeling THAT bad then clearly something is wrong. i don't know if increasing the dose will be enough, i think the problem might be mirtazapine itself. i don't know if i should go back to an ssri. i'm kinda lost. i'd like to hear others' experiences and what medication has been working for you?

 

[charlavail]

I tried all the ones you listen plus a couple more ssris and also an snri that me suicidal for months. I'm now on lamotrigine which is meant for bipolar. They think because ssris don't work that i might be bipolar 2, which is more like a neutral/slightly elevated baseline and then really bad depressive episodes. I think it's been working for me at 200mg.