Help I want to die but I can't hurt my people

[Kimlett]

I'm done with life. I hate it and I see it as pointless. I only feel pain and the good things in life are sedatives to endure the pain. It's not just about my depression anymore, life is shitty and boring and ridiculous and I'm just done. I want to kill myself.

But I can't, because I have some people in my live who love me deeply and I would ruin their lives if I ctb, and they don't deserve it.

So I'm trapped and I don't know what to do. I guess I need to change my perspective on life somehow, find a reason to live, not just a reason to not ctb. However, I find it extraordinarily difficult at this point.

I'd appreciate any insights. Thanks.

 

[Salhalla]

I dont know if this would help but maybe looking at philosophy? If you read about some of the greatest philosophers in history and there reasons to live. Maybe look at what they had to say about suicide. Now I myself am not an expert on philosophy but reading a bit on life has given me a tiny glimmer of hope and kept me going for just a tiny bit longer.

 

[Kimlett]

I dont know if this would help but maybe looking at philosophy? If you read about some of the greatest philosophers in history and there reasons to live. Maybe look at what they had to say about suicide. Now I myself am not an expert on philosophy but reading a bit on life has given me a tiny glimmer of hope and kept me going for just a tiny bit longer.

Thanks for answering. I will try to do this.

 

[Flutt3rshy_ko]

sometimes if you want to live and cannot do it for yourself, finding other people helps. As much as i want to ctb, i cant leave my cat behind, and my boyfriend's dad ctb 'd and i dont want him to be hurt like that again. Holding on for other people can help when you cannot hold on for yourself.

But, you also dont owe people anything.

If you have people you care about this much, I bet they'd be happy to talk to you about these feelings. a shared sorrow is half the sorrow after all.

 

[greatfalls]

Yep I'm in the exact same boat. I guess quite a few people on here are. It's very hard to feel trapped like this, not wanting to pass the hurt to your loved ones, but also not wanting to live.

I'm currently still trying to figure out how to continue onwards myself. I feel like I've found some purpose in life by trying to do some good before I die. It's nice to help people.

 

[joelover]

Same here. I'm sticking around solely for my folks so once they pass away (hopefully from old age) I'll likely follow them the very same week