I lost all of my friends because of a mental breakdown

[tipoftheRGB]

My problems aren't as bad as a lot of other peoples here but I still want to talk about them anyway so here I go:

I had a mental breakdown at the age of 26 that went on for years. At 26 - 27, I still had all my friends, a place I felt welcome in and hope. Now at 28, almost 29, I have lost all of my friends. My friends turned their back on me and I was originally planning to move to the small city they live in but now I don't feel welcome there anymore so I don't know where to go now. I am long term unemployed because of the breakdown. I am single and have never had a relationship and I'm terrified of and don't know how to have sex. I used to be attractive but I've aged so badly and I look awful and older than my age now and as a woman, I know I am fucked when it comes to finding a partner and having a family.

I haven't felt suicidal for 2 days now even though I consistently have for the past 9 months (maybe I am getting better?). And now I am considering staying alive, I feel winded and horrified because before this breakdown began, I had a circle of friends, more friends on top of that and a city I could move to where I would feel welcome. But over the years, they all turned their back on me during the darkest point in my life and I feel betrayed and completely alone in the world. I feel lonely and terrified especially when it seems like everyone already has their preformed friendship groups, social circles and partners and I missed my chance to find any of that. I'm also hurt that my friends left me when I needed them the most. Like if they weren't there when I needed them, is there anyone who would be? Are all human relationships really so transactional that when you stop providing value, you get left behind? I am making this post because I am shaken to the bone by how alone in the world I am despite having a good social circle and a full social life in the not too distant past.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Oh, darling, it's such a shame people can't look past the superficial stuff...you seem like an awesome person that is worth every second of interaction. It's sad you lost so much of your social circle, but you deserve better than self-serving people. You deserve real friends, ones that will stand by you. Ones that will not be away just because you had some problems. REAL friends.

Mama bear can be a real friend, if you want. Mama can be many things, and all you have to do is accept her. I'll always be waiting for you to call me and I will be delighted to give you the attention you deserve. *hugs and kisses* You're my honey pot, just like everyone else here, okay?

 

[whywere]

You ARE a VERY good friend to me, and you always will be.

In the past, especially like at a dentist, I would be honest and tell them, and the reaction was HORRIBLE! It was if I had some instant death virus that I could give others, just so NARROW MINDED.

I have all my 6 plus decades on this planet had to deal with small, minded IDIOTS.

BUT you are here now with so many family members who love and care about you, like I do.

You are such a caring and loving soul, as your post speaks volumes on just what a wonderful person you are.

I learned this back in the 1970's of NOT letting the turkeys get one down and you are now with family here and I care about you so much and you always have a great friend in me, as we are ALL the same and we are ALL together as a global family here.

Yep, through the decades I have had folks "look down" at me, but guess what? They are still in their own cesspool of narrowmindedness, and I have spread my wings and have flown and done very well and so will you.

I 100% believe in YOU and you WILL be fantastic!

Lots of love, hugs, well wishes and bright blue sunny skies my great friend.

Walter

 

[tipoftheRGB]

Oh, darling, it's such a shame people can't look past the superficial stuff...you seem like an awesome person that is worth every second of interaction. It's sad you lost so much of your social circle, but you deserve better than self-serving people. You deserve real friends, ones that will stand by you. Ones that will not be away just because you had some problems. Real friends.

Mama bear can be a real friend, if you want. Mama can be many things, and all you have to do is accept her. I'll always be waiting for you to call me and I will be delighted to give you the attention you deserve. *hugs and kisses* You're my honey pot, just like everyone else here, okay?

Thank you :( honestly, they were there for the first year or so but from the 2 year mark, they turned their backs on me. On the one hand, I almost get it like 2.5 years is a long time to disappear for. But on the other hand, I don't think I would give up on someone who was unemployed, isolated and mentally ill. I think it was the length of time that ruined it. But it almost feels like they all sat in a room together and decided they didn't like me anymore like they went from being warm and responsive to cold and uninterested so fast. I'm trying to put myself in their shoes though like 2.5 years is such a long time...I get it but I'm sad. And now I don't know where to move like that city is tiny and I don't feel welcome there anymore.

Lol I'm loving the contrast between the description of Mama bear and your username XD yes be my friend Mama bear.

You ARE a VERY good friend to me, and you always will be.

In the past, especially like at a dentist, I would be honest and tell them, and the reaction was HORRIBLE! It was if I had some instant death virus that I could give others, just so NARROW MINDED.

I have all my 6 plus decades on this planet had to deal with small, minded IDIOTS.

BUT you are here now with so many family members who love and care about you, like I do.

You are such a caring and loving soul, as your post speaks volumes on just what a wonderful person you are.

I learned this back in the 1970's of NOT letting the turkeys get one down and you are now with family here and I care about you so much and you always have a great friend in me, as we are ALL the same and we are ALL together as a global family here.

Yep, through the decades I have had folks "look down" at me, but guess what? They are still in their own cesspool of narrowmindedness, and I have spread my wings and have flown and done very well and so will you.

I 100% believe in YOU and you WILL be fantastic!

Lots of love, hugs, well wishes and bright blue sunny skies my great friend.

Walter

Thank you Walter :( you are my friend too.

I know what you mean. I have found that people don't believe me when I tell them. They think I'm making it up. Yeah sure...I was unemployed for 3 years for fun...sure. Its mad because some things are accepted now like people seem to accept certain disorders like ADHD and autism now but there are other things that people don't believe or don't care about. And I imagine it was so much worse with the stigma back when you were younger.

I guess we in this community have seen a side to life that many others haven't which means we understand the world a bit better in some ways.

Thank you so much. And hugs and well wishes to you too friend.

Clara

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Thank you :( honestly, they were there for the first year or so but from the 2 year mark, they turned their backs on me. On the one hand, I almost get it like 2.5 years is a long time to disappear for. But on the other hand, I don't think I would give up on someone who was unemployed, isolated and mentally ill. I think it was the length of time that ruined it. But it almost feels like they all sat in a room together and decided they didn't like me anymore like they went from being warm and responsive to cold and uninterested so fast. I'm trying to put myself in their shoes though like 2.5 years is such a long time...I get it but I'm sad. And now I don't know where to move like that city is tiny and I don't feel welcome there anymore.

Lol I'm loving the contrast between the description of Mama bear and your username XD yes be my friend Mama bear.

Wonderful, another cub for mama to care for! *hugs and kisses* You can count on me when you need to feel better about things.

I have no defense for your friends other than fear of not understanding you or your struggles, or maybe they having problems of their own. Even then, they should have been open and tell you the truth rather than ghost you. But we're not talking about them, we're talking about us, and we, and how we can help you feel less alone in spite of the problems you're going through, like real friends!

Being a mama is not about what you have between your legs, it's about your willingness to share comfort and love towards those needy dearies that really could use a hug from a mama. Anyone can be a mama, no matter what piece they got down there. *smiles*

 

[tipoftheRGB]

Wonderful, another cub for mama to care for! *hugs and kisses* You can count on me when you need to feel better about things.

I have no defense for your friends other than fear of not understanding you or your struggles, or maybe they having problems of their own. Even then, they should have been open and tell you the truth rather than ghost you. But we're not talking about them, we're talking about us, and we, and how we can help you feel less alone in spite of the problems you're going through, like real friends!

Being a mama is not about what you have between your legs, it's about your willingness to share comfort and love towards those needy dearies that really could use a hug from a mama. Anyone can be a mama, no matter what piece they got down there. *smiles*

Thank you :(

I think part of it is because I was always an unusual person like I was already known by most people as "crazy" just because I have a bit of a leftfield personality. I also had more, much smaller issues before the mental breakdown so I was always a bit all over the place. There were several friends I couldn't be 100% honest with initially because they can't keep secrets to save their lives. So when I told my friend I was having a mental breakdown, she didn't believe me. I owed her money at the time and she asked me for it so I went in to debt to pay her back and then after that, its like they all turned their backs on me. Like they are really cold to me now. I get it and I don't. I guess I just need to hurry up and choose a city to move to, hurry up and find a job and just try and start again from scratch. But I've heard its really hard to make new friends from late 20s onwards because people have basically formed their circles and settled down so I feel left behind, alone and regretful I didn't get my life together quick enough. I also miss them but feel betrayed at the same time. So I want to harass them until they take me back but I also feel betrayed and want them to come to me first because I feel like they should be the sorry ones. But I feel like they think I am in the wrong. And I'm sad that I had a place to move to that felt welcome and like home before whereas now I have to move to some city on my own and try and find people. Idk. It is what it is I guess.

Hahaha ok I will keep that in mind Mama bear <3

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Thank you :(

I think part of it is because I was always an unusual person like I was already known by most people as "crazy" just because I have a bit of a leftfield personality. I also had more, much smaller issues before the mental breakdown so I was always a bit all over the place. There were several friends I couldn't be 100% honest with initially because they can't keep secrets to save their lives. So when I told my friend I was having a mental breakdown, she didn't believe me. I owed her money at the time and she asked me for it so I went in to debt to pay her back and then after that, its like they all turned their backs on me. Like they are really cold to me now. I get it and I don't. I guess I just need to hurry up and choose a city to move to, hurry up and find a job and just try and start again from scratch. But I've heard its really hard to make new friends from late 20s onwards because people have basically formed their circles and settled down so I feel left behind, alone and regretful I didn't get my life together quick enough. I also miss them but feel betrayed at the same time. So I want to harass them until they take me back but I also feel betrayed and want them to come to me first because I feel like they should be the sorry ones. But I feel like they think I am in the wrong. And I'm sad that I had a place to move to that felt welcome and like home before whereas now I have to move to some city on my own and try and find people. Idk. It is what it is I guess.

Hahaha ok I will keep that in mind Mama bear <3

Honestly, I wouldn't go back to them. If anything, you're setting up for another abandonment after they deem you "unsuitable" for their friend circle, and start distancing again. Pull back, breathe, and stop thinking about them. Abandoning friends when they need is not something friendly people would do. I know your mind is going back to them, but try your best to distract yourself. If needed you can even "nag" me /ama bear to get you some pep talk and some comforting words. I love any attention I can get, and I love giving this comfort which is so much needed in times like these.

Mama bear is always available for you, honey. Don't think for a second I don't enjoy having someone need me. It's heaven when cubs come back in need of mama. I enjoy what I do, and what I do heals.