Venting I know suicide is the only answer as an unemployed autistic

[newagemage]

I'm highly educated however I am currently unemployed. My mother told me I cannot commit suicide in her house so I need to secure employment before I can commit suicide in peace. Finally when I cease to exist I won't have to feel out of place living amongst neurotypical human beings. I can notionally understand that my family doesn't hate me and society doesn't want me dead but if I was meant to be here I wouldn't have such difficulty securing a place in society as a productive member. Data suggests autism is genetic and so even my genes are tainted. Death will be a welcome and warm embrace compared to the cold barren tundra of solitude that is life as an autistic individual.

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

As a neurotypical person who feels overwhelmed I have no concept of the difficulty you endure in your life. I literally cannot imagine no matter how hard I try or want to put myself in your shoes. I barely can hang on myself despite being able to get a job easily. I commend you for doing what I could not.

 

[waterbottleman]

I'm autistic as well my friend. I know what it's like. Really sucks to feel like you don't fit in with anybody, that no one will ever understood you. It's as though we go through life feeling like aliens like we're an entirely different species, like there's this invisible and unbreakable barrier between us and everyone we meet.

I've been alive for 29 years and I have great parents. I used to have friends, good friends even, I dated a bit when I was a teenager and was even lucky enough to have a girlfriend for a bit. However when I think about it I've never really had a deep connection with anybody. I've gone through my whole life never feeling that deep connection with a single person, I've never had the opportunity to love someone more than myself.

It has eaten me up so much on the inside to the point that I don't even feel like a person anymore, I don't feel like I'm a human capable of deep emotions and connections other people take for granted. I fear that eventually everyone who meets me will reject me and desert me.

 

[newagemage]

As a neurotypical person who feels overwhelmed I have no concept of the difficulty you endure in your life. I literally cannot imagine no matter how hard I try or want to put myself in your shoes. I barely can hang on myself despite being able to get a job easily. I commend you for doing what I could not.

We are all struggling in this life we never asked for. I wish you didn't feel as bad as I do.

I'm autistic as well my friend. I know what it's like. Really sucks to feel like you don't fit in with anybody, that no one will ever understood you. It's as though we go through life feeling like aliens like we're an entirely different species, like there's this invisible and unbreakable barrier between us and everyone we meet.

I've been alive for 29 years and I have great parents. I used to have friends, good friends even, I dated a bit when I was a teenager and was even lucky enough to have a girlfriend for a bit. However when I think about it I've never really had a deep connection with anybody. I've gone through my whole life never feeling that deep connection with a single person, I've never had the opportunity to love someone more than myself.

It has eaten me up so much on the inside to the point that I don't even feel like a person anymore, I don't feel like I'm a human capable of deep emotions and connections other people take for granted. I fear that eventually everyone who meets me will reject me and desert me.

You've hit the nail on the head. This profound sense of being alone on a planet teeming with billions of lives is what compels me to die. It's not just a misperception, your attention to detail is too keen to ignore the fact that you don't fit into the people pattern. I wish I was never born. I wish you didn't hurt how I hurt.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It's not just a misperception, your attention to detail is too keen to ignore the fact that you don't fit into the people pattern

Wow, that really sums it up. I have my assessment next week. I can sympathise with these feels for sure.