Josuyo
No, I do not like life, take it away please
- Oct 17, 2021
- 92
I'm just trying to mind my own ATM but certain people I know keep messaging me about a really hurtful situation.
It's something I don't really want to discuss with them as they caused me hurt, to the point where I ended up in hospital with amnesia. I don't like to think that they were the single cause of me losing my memory but with memories coming back I'm reliving all the hurt and disrespect I endured, from people I thought were my friends.
And I don't think anyone sat there wanting to intentionally hurt me but it's still seriously affected me. Has made me feel I'm not worth anything, not worth respect, that I should just suck up the pain and let other people walk over me. The whole thing has triggered my suicidal tendacies in a big way after a year of not attempting. This isn't the first time this has happened, feeling utterly betrayed and disregarded by people I cared a great deal about. My friend group shrinks by each day and I fear further abuse from people who decided to turn around and use me as a whipping boy for their displaced anger and frustrations. I just want it to stop. I just want to be left alone.
I don't want to be a bitch and be unpleasant and untrusting of everyone. But I have an awful judge of character, I give people the benefit of the doubt and try to explain away their poor behaviour at the expense of my own feelings and comfort. I try my best to consider others but I feel the majority of people I worry and care about wouldn't do the same for me (so many haven't in the past), I feel like such an idiot and sort of pray I'd stop breathing in my sleep or something so no one could abuse me that way again, so I wouldn't have to feel so worthless and used.
Thank you for reading.
It's something I don't really want to discuss with them as they caused me hurt, to the point where I ended up in hospital with amnesia. I don't like to think that they were the single cause of me losing my memory but with memories coming back I'm reliving all the hurt and disrespect I endured, from people I thought were my friends.
And I don't think anyone sat there wanting to intentionally hurt me but it's still seriously affected me. Has made me feel I'm not worth anything, not worth respect, that I should just suck up the pain and let other people walk over me. The whole thing has triggered my suicidal tendacies in a big way after a year of not attempting. This isn't the first time this has happened, feeling utterly betrayed and disregarded by people I cared a great deal about. My friend group shrinks by each day and I fear further abuse from people who decided to turn around and use me as a whipping boy for their displaced anger and frustrations. I just want it to stop. I just want to be left alone.
I don't want to be a bitch and be unpleasant and untrusting of everyone. But I have an awful judge of character, I give people the benefit of the doubt and try to explain away their poor behaviour at the expense of my own feelings and comfort. I try my best to consider others but I feel the majority of people I worry and care about wouldn't do the same for me (so many haven't in the past), I feel like such an idiot and sort of pray I'd stop breathing in my sleep or something so no one could abuse me that way again, so I wouldn't have to feel so worthless and used.
Thank you for reading.
