Makethemsuffer
I want to be forgotten, not remembered
- Jul 30, 2026
- 17
I hate myself so much man. I hate everything about myself. I hate my body, I hate how socially awkward I am, I hate how quickly I get attached to things, I hate how I feel sad about stuff that has nothing to do with me.
I simply can't live like this, I just can't. No one could.
But dying isn't what I want. I just want the pain to stop.
Suicide is a way to stop the pain and I'm gravitating towards it more and more each day, but in the end I still daydream about being saved. I dream about someone showing me the beauty of life, giving me a reason to live for. Then I snap back to reality and realize no one is coming for me. I'm stuck here with myself. Me and myself. Just the two of us.
I wouldn't say I have two personalities, but I surely have two different views of the world. I could try making friends or finding a partner, I'm sitll young, but why would I? Actually, why would they? I got nothing to put on the table, I'm uninteresting, I'm awkward, I don't know how to sustain a conversation, even if I did I still don't know how to talk to other people, I'm ugly as fuck, my life is boring; why would THEY want to be with ME? Why should I put them through the disgrace of being with me? I already avoid people just so they don't have to be near me. Not for me, why the fuck would I care for myself, but for them. I don't want people to go through even being near me. If someone asks me if they can sit next to me on the bus/train I just get up and leave. HOW would I even fix my life at this point?? If someone came to me with genuine interest and good intentions I would either isolate myself or shoo them away. Why would I trust them anyways? I have nothing, I am nothing. Why would they be genuinely interested in being with me if not for some sort of personal gain?
I want to live, but when I realize how hopeless I am it really does seem like suicide is the only answer. At this poing I just hope I'll grow some balls to actually do it. I'm tired
I simply can't live like this, I just can't. No one could.
But dying isn't what I want. I just want the pain to stop.
Suicide is a way to stop the pain and I'm gravitating towards it more and more each day, but in the end I still daydream about being saved. I dream about someone showing me the beauty of life, giving me a reason to live for. Then I snap back to reality and realize no one is coming for me. I'm stuck here with myself. Me and myself. Just the two of us.
I wouldn't say I have two personalities, but I surely have two different views of the world. I could try making friends or finding a partner, I'm sitll young, but why would I? Actually, why would they? I got nothing to put on the table, I'm uninteresting, I'm awkward, I don't know how to sustain a conversation, even if I did I still don't know how to talk to other people, I'm ugly as fuck, my life is boring; why would THEY want to be with ME? Why should I put them through the disgrace of being with me? I already avoid people just so they don't have to be near me. Not for me, why the fuck would I care for myself, but for them. I don't want people to go through even being near me. If someone asks me if they can sit next to me on the bus/train I just get up and leave. HOW would I even fix my life at this point?? If someone came to me with genuine interest and good intentions I would either isolate myself or shoo them away. Why would I trust them anyways? I have nothing, I am nothing. Why would they be genuinely interested in being with me if not for some sort of personal gain?
I want to live, but when I realize how hopeless I am it really does seem like suicide is the only answer. At this poing I just hope I'll grow some balls to actually do it. I'm tired
