I just told my brother

[ultrasharpy123456]

I call it "Plan B" (it's the korean method). I have a doctor's appointment by september 2nd to see what's wrong with my body. I told my bother if I manage to survive by Friday and I'm still a functioning human by then once we get the news I think I will execute Plan B. I didnt tell him it was suicide but he know what it is. I also told him I'd need 30 minutes to myself. I think I'm going to do it on the patio.

I don't think I have much longer to live. Today we were going to go to the hospital to check me out but I got scared and said, "No." because I knew they'd put me into a psych ward instead of helping me or might give me medicine that would ruin my body. And I can't tell them about my suicide attempts. My only option is to either ctb right now or wait till friday and then do it.

I know where to aim, too.

 

[Sick of it all]

I've told my brother about my depression but he has no clue about my CTB plans. I have no clue what his reaction would be. I've thought about going to the hospital, but like you I know I would end up in a psych ward.

 

[Smart No More]

Sounds like you and your brother are cool. Its good for both of you that you have that. I told my mother I wanted to die when I was really sick and she didn't seem inclined to stop me per say but it's my brother I'd really want to connect with on that level for his sake as much as mine. I think we couls but he's younger than me and comes to me for advice so I think it would be tough on him.

Anyway, I just wanted to say i'm glad you have someone like your brother who you have that mostly unsaid understanding with. It's invaluable and I think it's fair to say many here covet that.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I've told my brother about my depression but he has no clue about my CTB plans. I have no clue what his reaction would be. I've thought about going to the hospital, but like you I know I would end up in a psych ward.

Yeah you can't really talk about it to people. And therapists cost so much money I'm sure and may not even work.

Sounds like you and your brother are cool. Its good for both of you that you have that. I told my mom I wanted to sie when I was really sick and she didn't seem inclined to stop me per say but it's my brother I'd really want to connect with on that level for his sake as much as mine. I think we couls but he's younger than me and comes to me for advice so I think it would be tough on him.

Anyway, I just wanted to say i'm glad you have someone like your brother who you have that mostly unsaid understanding with. It's invaluable and I think it's fair to say many here covet that.

If you knew me you'd honestly hate me for how I treated my family. But we all gaslit each other and we made up. I'm sorry for how I treated people. At this point I just want to die. I just want all this to be over. I wish I could start my life over but now it's definitely too late.

 

[Sick of it all]

Yeah you can't really talk about it to people. And therapists cost so much money I'm sure and may not even work.

If you tell your therapist you are suicidal they most likely will report you. I have a therapist and I don't dare to tell her in fear of that.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

If you tell your therapist you are suicidal they most likely will report you. I have a therapist and I don't dare to tell her in fear of that.

In my situation I literally can't do anything. I have life-threatening issues. It's affecting the way I think, how I act, my entire body is shutting down. I really need the ER but they'd laugh it off. I don't think I have much longer to live. I can tell my eyes are failing.

 

[Sick of it all]

In my situation I literally can't do anything. I have life-threatening issues. It's affecting the way I think, how I act, my entire body is shutting down. I really need the ER but they'd laugh it off. I don't think I have much longer to live. I can tell my eyes are failing.

I'm sorry to hear you're in such a state. I can't imagine being in that type of situation. Besides some back pain I'm pretty fit. Hopefully you find some resolution to your woes, artificial or natural.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I'm sorry to hear you're in such a state. I can't imagine being in that type of situation. Besides some back pain I'm pretty fit. Hopefully you find some resolution to your woes, artificial or natural.

To put in perspective I don't think I will be in control of my actions or the way I think by Tuesday anymore. I did all of this to myself. Back then I used to just joke about killing myself and using the korean method to end it. Now I REALLY have to do it.

I don't even care about the mistakes I made. I don't even care if I die. I just want all this to be over.

 

[Sick of it all]

To put in perspective I don't think I will be in control of my actions or the way I think by Tuesday anymore. I did all of this to myself. Back then I used to just joke about killing myself and using the korean method to end it. Now I REALLY have to do it.

I don't even care about the mistakes I made. I don't even care if I die. I just want all this to be over.

Well hopefully you go swiftly and peaceful. Enjoy your last days in this realm.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Thank you. I don't know how else to say this without sounding rude but I'm not trying to sound rude because I mean this literally: have a nice, wonderful life. Literally have a good life.

 

[Sick of it all]

Thank you. I don't know how else to say this without sounding rude but I'm not trying to sound rude because I mean this literally: have a nice, wonderful life. Literally have a good life.

You're welcome. Not rude at all. I appreciate the well wishes and I will enjoy what I can.

 

[noaccount]

Good luck with your medical appointment, can you talk to them about the physical stuff without letting them know about the suicide attempts? It sucks that we have to hide so much but you're right they lock up and abuse people who talk about it.

 

[theboy]

wow
What reaction did you have? I don't think it didn't cause anything

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings about just wanting everything to end are understandable. Nobody should have to be trapped in a life which is constant suffering. I hope that you find freedom from what you are going through.