Venting I just should die already-

[aeri]

I hate so much who i am, who i've become. It's so bad that i can't beat SI. I could die. I really could, everything is ready. But i stay afraid of dying. Even tho it's what i want so much. Why am i like this... I didn't want to be this useless girl. And i am not able to change. I tried my best, for real.
I tried. I really tried. But i cant...

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Well, there's a difference between death and dying. Are you afraid of the dying, or of both?

I'm sorry you feel useless.

 

[aeri]

Well, there's a difference between death and dying. Are you afraid of the dying, or of both?

I'm sorry you feel useless.

I don't even know of what i'm afraid, to be honest. But when i try to ctb, i just got scared. Maybe it's my selfish side who began to think that i mustn't die bc there is people who care for me but the truth is that i'm actually alone

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I don't even know of what i'm afraid, to be honest. But when i try to ctb, i just got scared. Maybe it's my selfish side who began to think that i mustn't die bc there is people who care for me but the truth is that i'm actually alone

It's okay, ctb is scary for most I think.

 

[faust]

I am so sorry this is torturing you so much...
Maybe you are trying to use methods which you are afraid of?
I have a post about this, you can take a look, but that is only my opinion:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ercome-si-survival-instinct.31845/post-585674