i just realized i've never been scared of death

[squidgirl]

even as a child, it never bothered me. i'm not really sure why. i remember thinking once, back when i wanted to live, "huh. i only have 80 years to live. that's kinda sad." and then just moving on. i didn't really care. even when my grandfather died, it never once bothered me. sure, i missed him, but only in the way that you miss a friend that you haven't seen in a while. there was never anything special about death to me. i guess that's why people get so frustrated when trying to convince me not to ctb. they're trying to appeal to that innate desire to live, but i don't know if i have that. if i do, it's much less than it is for other people.

am i weird?

 

[FuneralCry]

I have never been scared of death, I have always found death to be comforting. I have never understood people who enjoyed life. I have never wanted to be alive. I look forward to eternal nothingness, it is where I belong. Death is freedom from everything, I cannot suffer once I am dead. We should not fear death as it is inevitable for us all, life is just one big distraction from death.

 

[motel rooms]

i guess that's why people get so frustrated when trying to convince me not to ctb. they're trying to appeal to that innate desire to live, but i don't know if i have that. if i do, it's much less than it is for other people.

am i weird?

Maybe you're just lucky.

 

[Julgran]

even as a child, it never bothered me. i'm not really sure why. i remember thinking once, back when i wanted to live, "huh. i only have 80 years to live. that's kinda sad." and then just moving on. i didn't really care. even when my grandfather died, it never once bothered me. sure, i missed him, but only in the way that you miss a friend that you haven't seen in a while. there was never anything special about death to me. i guess that's why people get so frustrated when trying to convince me not to ctb. they're trying to appeal to that innate desire to live, but i don't know if i have that. if i do, it's much less than it is for other people.

am i weird?

It sounds like you are observing the thought of death as the natural end to life, in a rational way, as if it's just an end to a movie or party. Not everyone seeks the end of life due to depression or other problems, and everyone is right in their own conviction.

Imagine how absurd it would be if you and 20 other people were on a bus, and then you suddenly stood up and told everyone "Alright! This is my stop. Have good day, everyone!", and then everyone threw selves on you to try to stop you from leaving - that's how absurd I think suicide prevention is.