I just can’t anymore

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

I just can't fight anymore. I'm trying to but I just can't. The thoughts are too loud. I just keep picturing the eternal sleep. Finally being free. Yes I believe in life afterwards. It provides comfort to think that maybe there is something in this universe besides pain. I dint want to suffer anymore. I wish I was as strong as people see me. I'm not a beacon of light. I can't be a role model. Yes I'm smiling on the outside. But I'm bleeding on the inside. I'm barely getting through the days. Barely surviving and trying my absolute best to stay for friends. That's it. That's my only reason I'm still here. And I feel like shit because I have people trying to help keep me alive and others don't but I just keep sinking. Meds don't work. I have a great therapist but it's not enough. At this point I'm out of options to get better. Feels like I tried them all.