you are welcome. hopefully it can help you feel better, even, if just a for a second or two. also thank you for your replies. they fill my eyes with tears, but the courage you have shown to keep replying to randoms makes you even more of an inspiration
that is totally understandable. the human brain, while being an awesome piece of engineering, like anything can be a double edged sword. it can be amazing and help us through anything, yet it has a horrible habit of going from positive to negative and back again, but sadly, once it knows about the negative zone, it is hard to stop it from re-entering it. any ridiculous little thing can trigger it, but your situation would be like having it chained fully in the depths of negative. sadly, being a person who would never had looked at this forum before, to how you are now makes it so much more difficult to reconcile. the emotional roller coaster would be over whelming, however, you were not to blame, and i know that means virtually nothing to you, due to the physical and mental anguish you feel, plus the fact the human mind dwells on the negative, but hopefully one day your mind can somehow start heading over into the positive thought side
i hope so, because "you" did not do it to yourself. no one deserves what you are going through, even if it was self inflicted, but you did not inflict your injuries onto yourself. in your situation, if you had killed someone else instead of jumping, the law most probably would not have held you accountable, so hopefully you can come to truly believe that it was not your fault
i am not going to bombard your in box, but if you wish to have someone to talk to, you can pm me. it is a pity that we cannot take turns to accompany you to your rehabilitation sessions, just to let you know that you are not alone. hopefully you can somehow sense this and it makes your situation just a little less negative