Venting I hope I have cancer

[prettyclam]

Ironic since its breast cancer awareness month. There's been a lump in my chest for awhile but recently it's began growing and hurting this dull heavy ache, like its pressing on something. Even without touching it hurts. It's not visible on the outside either. I have to press to feel it, however it hurts more when doing that.

Realistically, the lump is probably a random cyst because I doubt someone as young as me could get cancer. I strangely wish it was though, then I wouldn't have to commit suicide. My body would die for me. The only downside is the long painful process.

I don't want to get the lump checked out because I'm already in debt. A simple screening would take everything I have. Even if it was just a cyst, I'd have to get surgery or something, which would absolutely drain my money.

I'll let it keep doing its thing. I'm so depressed that I'm actually wishing its cancer lol

 

[IDCAAEBM]

I've been trying to get cervical cancer for the past 20 years, and I think I've been successful. In 2020 they did a biopsy on my cervix(worst fucking pain of my life) and then asked me back to poke and prod and hurt me more. I refused care and 5 years later, not much has been going on. I did notice some red spots on my nose that won't go away that I'm sure is from using tanning beds.
I'm going to go get my skin checked out, and if it's for sure cancer, I'm going to go back to my primary care provider and say, "Hey look, I have acquired two separate types of cancer, may I have an assisted euthanasia now?"
It should be clear from my lack of care of myself that I'm serious about my request, but if they want to be assholes about it, my CTB plan will work out regardless.
I just want them to know how much I hate being alive, so when the time comes, they will have no reason to ask "why?".

 

[TBONTB]

I totally relate to that.

Of course you are right, chances are it's something other than cancer...like you said a cyst or something. I hope it gets better soon, sounds uncomfortable.

Cancer isn't an easy death, as you know. So I hope it's not that either.

Good luck, feel better

 

[IRHEXED]

I'm in the same boat, sort of... I'm in the early stages of liver cirrhosis. I've completely stopped all communication with the hospital regarding bloodwork, scans and medication.
I'm still drinking in the hope it'll get to a point where it's totally irreversible.

 

[prettyclam]

I'm in the same boat, sort of... I'm in the early stages of liver cirrhosis. I've completely stopped all communication with the hospital regarding bloodwork, scans and medication.
I'm still drinking in the hope it'll get to a point where it's totally irreversible.

Sounds painful...dying that way sucks, but I hope it works out for you. If my lump cyst cancer thing gets bad enough that my parents somehow notice, I'll be set on refusing treatment too, even if they're the ones paying for it (which they never will)

 

[TBONTB]

How long have you had this symptom?

 

[prettyclam]

I totally relate to that.

Of course you are right, chances are it's something other than cancer...like you said a cyst or something. I hope it gets better soon, sounds uncomfortable.

Cancer isn't an easy death, as you know. So I hope it's not that either.

Good luck, feel better

Yeah cancer isn't easy but its a lose-lose situation. Cyst, cancer, everythings painful. I have no choice but to take whatever it is

How long have you had this symptom?

The lump itself began around 2 years ago. It was small so idk when exactly it came. Now its bigger, taking up about half the size of my breast. The pain started a week ago.

 

[IRHEXED]

Sounds painful...dying that way sucks, but I hope it works out for you. If my lump cyst cancer thing gets bad enough that my parents somehow notice, I'll be set on refusing treatment too, even if they're the ones paying for it (which they never will)

Yeah, it's not ideal. I'm treating it kinda as a plan B. I've been lurking on SS looking for a way out for a little while and have seen a couple of methods that appeal to me, I'm just a complete bag of nerves when it comes down to it XD
Well I hope you find your peace, whatever happens!

 

[TBONTB]

Yeah cancer isn't easy but its a lose-lose situation. Cyst, cancer, everythings painful. I have no choice but to take whatever it is

The lump itself began around 2 years ago. It was small so idk when exactly it came. Now it's bigger, taking up about half the size of my breast. The pain started a week ago.

Yeah, get it...pain either way. Wishing you the best.

That's a long time and a big lump/cyst.

I assume you've been doing your googling or your own little AI diagnoses. I am sorry this is going on for you.

Do you feel normal otherwise? Extra tired or anything?

 

[58Alice85]

more and more young people have been getting cancer
hope it is not cancer for you! dying from cancer is slow and painful

 

[WildecoyetE]

more and more young people have been getting cancer
hope it is not cancer for you! dying from cancer is slow and painful

yes it is slow but as for pain i think that varys person to person , i have no pain as of yet . my cancer is terminal but to be honest i feel as normal as every1 else , the chemo knocked the hell out of me but i have stopped that now and recovering from it . cancer is a weird 1 , people have different reactions to it , some people it hardly effects and the next person suffers till the they pass away . any1 wishing they had cancer needs to get theirs heads looked at as its not a joking matter and trust me u DONT want it , it fuks your head up wondering if ul wake up the next day with ur body organs shutting down or how long u have to go .

 

[Galahad]

Ironic since its breast cancer awareness month. There's been a lump in my chest for awhile but recently it's began growing and hurting this dull heavy ache, like its pressing on something. Even without touching it hurts. It's not visible on the outside either. I have to press to feel it, however it hurts more when doing that.

Realistically, the lump is probably a random cyst because I doubt someone as young as me could get cancer. I strangely wish it was though, then I wouldn't have to commit suicide. My body would die for me. The only downside is the long painful process.

I don't want to get the lump checked out because I'm already in debt. A simple screening would take everything I have. Even if it was just a cyst, I'd have to get surgery or something, which would absolutely drain my money.

I'll let it keep doing its thing. I'm so depressed that I'm actually wishing its cancer lol

Can't say anything other than I wish you'd get checked out. Cancer is an awful end to life, I've seen too many people go that way.

Of course I'm aware you're talking of the financial implications. I'm in the UK and for all the faults we can throw at the NHS it's ultimately there for us.

Please don't consider cancer to be a viable method though.

 

[WildecoyetE]

Can't say anything other than I wish you'd get checked out. Cancer is an awful end to life, I've seen too many people go that way.

Of course I'm aware you're talking of the financial implications. I'm in the UK and for all the faults we can throw at the NHS it's ultimately there for us.

Please don't consider cancer to be a viable method though.

some people think cancer is a quick way out , it is not a quick way out ! they should and visit a cancer clinic and see cancer victims , after a few hours they will soon CHANGE their views !

 

[thaelyana]

I understand what you mean, die differently, attention, the end of suffering

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Cancer is a terrible way to die but depending on where you live, once you're six months terminal can request MAID and end it before it gets that bad.

I'm in the same boat, sort of... I'm in the early stages of liver cirrhosis. I've completely stopped all communication with the hospital regarding bloodwork, scans and medication.
I'm still drinking in the hope it'll get to a point where it's totally irreversible.

My grandfather died of liver cirrhosis. He also refused to stop drinking.

 

[Cansado_Depressivo]

Ja vi pessoa com câncer morrer em 6 meses, mesmo fazendo tratamento. Assim como já vi pessoas que recusaram o tratamento e levaram anos para morrer. Tenho um familiar tratando câncer há 15 anos. Já está no terceiro câncer. Enfim, é complexo. Não desejo isso para ninguém.

 

[raslyakovva]

Ironic since its breast cancer awareness month. There's been a lump in my chest for awhile but recently it's began growing and hurting this dull heavy ache, like its pressing on something. Even without touching it hurts. It's not visible on the outside either. I have to press to feel it, however it hurts more when doing that.

Realistically, the lump is probably a random cyst because I doubt someone as young as me could get cancer. I strangely wish it was though, then I wouldn't have to commit suicide. My body would die for me. The only downside is the long painful process.

I don't want to get the lump checked out because I'm already in debt. A simple screening would take everything I have. Even if it was just a cyst, I'd have to get surgery or something, which would absolutely drain my money.

I'll let it keep doing its thing. I'm so depressed that I'm actually wishing its cancer lol

well, i totally relate.

i remember when i was 13 and i started smoking — trust me — just to get lung cancer. I guess it didnt work since im trying to stop smoking and decided to end it all myself, but it was a "good" plan

 

[Kitsuné_]

My bowels started to act strange 4 or 5 years, ago. I thought i had colonorectal cancer and i was like ompf yes

Turns out it was a shitty ulcerative colitis

 

[PI3.14]

Stage 4 cancer patients, or patients dealing with any kind of terminal illnesses, aren't eligible for euthanasia where I live, euthanasia is basically prohibited here.

That's why I don't wish to have it.

 

[copioushopelessness]

yes it is slow but as for pain i think that varys person to person , i have no pain as of yet . my cancer is terminal but to be honest i feel as normal as every1 else , the chemo knocked the hell out of me but i have stopped that now and recovering from it . cancer is a weird 1 , people have different reactions to it , some people it hardly effects and the next person suffers till the they pass away . any1 wishing they had cancer needs to get theirs heads looked at as its not a joking matter and trust me u DONT want it , it fuks your head up wondering if ul wake up the next day with ur body organs shutting down or how long u have to go .

I'm so sorry. What type of cancer do you have?

 

[Macedonian1987]

Cancer is a terrible way to die but depending on where you live, once you're six months terminal can request MAID and end it before it gets that bad.

My grandfather died of liver cirrhosis. He also refused to stop drinking.

I totally agree. Cancer is one of the worst ways for a person to die. I worked once in a hospital as an accountant and while doing the paperwork I had to pass thru a hallway in which the cancer patients were. They were all suffering greatly and many of them were begging for quick death. Since euthanasia is not legal in my backwards country, if you have cancer, you are forced to suffer right to the very bitter end. This happened way back in 2008 and back then I said to myself: if I ever get cancer I'm ctb with 100% certainty. I will not let the cancer take away my life slowly.

 

[WildecoyetE]

I'm so sorry. What type of cancer do you have?

esophagus cancer , very rare cancer but deadly . spreads like wild fire due to the location of the tumour , i know this much the cancer aint going to take my life . if something is going to terminate my life on this shit hole of a rock it will be my hands that does it . im just holding off till the time is right , some1 is keeping me going at the mo but when they go il be straight after them . well depends what comes 1st to be honest , if this shit starts to screw me up soo bad im struggling to do anything well my master plan will be kicked into action sooner than planned .

 

[copioushopelessness]

esophagus cancer , very rare cancer but deadly . spreads like wild fire due to the location of the tumour , i know this much the cancer aint going to take my life . if something is going to terminate my life on this shit hole of a rock it will be my hands that does it . im just holding off till the time is right , some1 is keeping me going at the mo but when they go il be straight after them . well depends what comes 1st to be honest , if this shit starts to screw me up soo bad im struggling to do anything well my master plan will be kicked into action sooner than planned .

I hope that when you choose to go it's quick and painless. Is the person keeping you going sick or elderly? Do you have a chosen method? I'm assuming you have an idea because you said "master plan" I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad to hear you're not feeling pain.
I wish you well in your recovery from chemo.

I hope that when you choose to go it's quick and painless. Is the person keeping you going sick or elderly? Do you have a chosen method? I'm assuming you have an idea because you said "master plan" I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad to hear you're not feeling pain.
I wish you well in your recovery from chemo.

I'm sorry I'm so bad at knowing what to say, especially lately. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here, for now.

 

[WildecoyetE]

I hope that when you choose to go it's quick and painless. Is the person keeping you going sick or elderly? Do you have a chosen method? I'm assuming you have an idea because you said "master plan" I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad to hear you're not feeling pain.
I wish you well in your recovery from chemo.

I'm sorry I'm so bad at knowing what to say, especially lately. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here, for now.

yeah its my mum thats stopping me at the mo , she lost her youngest son (my bro ) this year . hence the reason im holding off as she could not handle me going . the plan is a rope and no cutting myself again , tryed that back in august and failed bigtime , u think after bleeding out for over 2 hours id be long gone but nope , just managed to wreck my hands i.e nerve damage and tendon damage . i only had 1 round of chemo but it was a more extreme level of chemo due to the size of the tumour but side effects was savage hence the reason i stopped it . chemo can remove tumours but cancer can return in a couple o years down the line . hanging is the only way i can see that WILL work this time round , i cant get a gun and drugs and other methods are tooo dam slow . provding no1 finds me in the 1st few minutes it should be over in no time . the scot gov are trying to get assisted dying bill through before may next year , if im still around when it gets passed i will be signing up for it , its a safer way and its legal and wont cost me a penny unlike going abroad to do it .

 

[User111885]

Ironic since its breast cancer awareness month. There's been a lump in my chest for awhile but recently it's began growing and hurting this dull heavy ache, like its pressing on something. Even without touching it hurts. It's not visible on the outside either. I have to press to feel it, however it hurts more when doing that.

Realistically, the lump is probably a random cyst because I doubt someone as young as me could get cancer. I strangely wish it was though, then I wouldn't have to commit suicide. My body would die for me. The only downside is the long painful process.

I don't want to get the lump checked out because I'm already in debt. A simple screening would take everything I have. Even if it was just a cyst, I'd have to get surgery or something, which would absolutely drain my money.

I'll let it keep doing its thing. I'm so depressed that I'm actually wishing its cancer lol

Are there no free health care clinics where you are?

 

[XSmas]

Why would you hope for such a cursed thing to occur. It is most painful and long way to go.

 

[WildecoyetE]

Why would you hope for such a cursed thing to occur. It is most painful and long way to go.

its because some folks think its a easy way out which it aint

 

[copioushopelessness]

yeah its my mum thats stopping me at the mo , she lost her youngest son (my bro ) this year . hence the reason im holding off as she could not handle me going . the plan is a rope and no cutting myself again , tryed that back in august and failed bigtime , u think after bleeding out for over 2 hours id be long gone but nope , just managed to wreck my hands i.e nerve damage and tendon damage . i only had 1 round of chemo but it was a more extreme level of chemo due to the size of the tumour but side effects was savage hence the reason i stopped it . chemo can remove tumours but cancer can return in a couple o years down the line . hanging is the only way i can see that WILL work this time round , i cant get a gun and drugs and other methods are tooo dam slow . provding no1 finds me in the 1st few minutes it should be over in no time . the scot gov are trying to get assisted dying bill through before may next year , if im still around when it gets passed i will be signing up for it , its a safer way and its legal and wont cost me a penny unlike going abroad to do it .

I'm sorry about your brother! Very considerate to hang on for your mum.
Bleeding out does take longer than I expected. I was bleeding so much I almost needed a blood tranfusion back in July. Two hours! Damn. Nerve and tendon damage is no good.
I was stupid enough to throw my drugs away..
Other methods do seem too slow and painful.
Have you tried to find SN? I can't seem to find it and don't want to wait that long. I've been trying ligature but get the exploding head feeling.
I hope your govt passes that bill. Here, there are eleven states where one can choose assisted dying but one has to have only 6 months to live and have to ask two doctors I believe.
I was supposed to start preventative chemo years ago. I've been avoiding treatment. You seem to have a high pain tolerance. I can only imagine how awful chemo must feel.
Is your diagnosis the main reason for wanting to ctb or were you already feeling that way?

 

[WildecoyetE]

me and my bro never got on to be honest , i aint even spoke to my folks in years before he died . 1 day i walked into her house and seen her and thought no way i could put her through that shit again .


t i lost 5 pints of blood when a stomach ulcer burst beck in feburay , thought it was a heart attack but the nurse told me my body was shutting down due to lack of blood . funny when i cut myself i neevr got that feeling i had that night , saying that i had no feelings at all that day except for anger , i was soo low that day nothing could have stood in my way .

SN ? i want out quick to be honest , drugs and other methods are too slow and its not 100 % that will work going down that path . rope well its tryed and tested and to be honest i did past out 1 night i tryed the noose but the rope was not secured . i just put it round my neck and pulled it tight then grabbed the other end that was hanging over the door and within secs i passed out so yeah if done tight it does work .

the 6 month to live will apply here aswell , hence the reason il be signing up asap so when my 6 months come ( if im still around ) they wont be soo much hassle as everything should be signed for when the time comes .

i could have a massive operation to remove the tumour but its a life changer and its like having a massive heart operation , life style after would not be a life as u limited to what i could do .

i have suffered with depression for almost 40 yrs , ending it has always been on my mind . i have hated this flesh sack for aslong as i can remember and i mean from when i was a little kid . right now i have a battle in my head with cancer on 1 end of the couch and suicide on the other end , both know they will end me at some stage ! who will win is any1 guess , as ive said i dont want cancer to kill me as i want to go on my terms and by my hands but when this shite gets too much and aslong as she is gone il be happy to call it a day .


yeah i can handle pain for some reason , pain is in the mind so i can ignore it to a point . after years of suffering with bad joints etc i have learned to live with pain . the cancer was the final nail in the coffin for me , the brain can take soo much shit but there is a point wehn well its have had enough , im just playin a waiting game now , i have no idea how long i have as i requested the docs and nurses not to tell me , il know when the time is right .