i have what i need to ctb yet and im still here

[want2dienow]

trying to figure out whats holding me back ive nothing to life for
i just keep making it worse coming back here i cant explain this mental agony. like conscoioius cancer it hruts to where i can only rub my head trying to ease it

 

[jodes2]

Same, I'm procrastinating

 

[FuneralCry]

At least you have the option to leave for when the time is right, but of course after all actually going through with suicide is not easy. I think that many people just get desperate enough and then they finally leave.

 

[poko:)]

i think that if you have everything to kill yourself and you cant there's no point to force it, it's pointless.

 

[Julgran]

trying to figure out whats holding me back ive nothing to life for
i just keep making it worse coming back here i cant explain this mental agony. like conscoioius cancer it hruts to where i can only rub my head trying to ease it

Do you believe it's a guilty conscience that's holding you back - like the knowledge that someone still needs you - or do you feel that ending your life feels alien to you..? Anyhow, you don't need to stress it.

 

[Someone123]

Si- survival instinct- is tough- many of us have been fighting us for a while. Eventually a person's life gets to a point where- if I'm going to do it, I need to do it soon. Maybe tehre is hope on some level, or maybe it's just fear of a failed attempt- failed attempts make most people's lives worse, so careful planning for ctb is important. ARe you possibly considering some hope you would want to chat about, or is it more than you're just waiting for the right time to leave?

 

[GasMonkey]

You will go when you are ready, there is no hurry.

Dr Philip Nitschke says that having everything ready to go extends the life of some folks.

 

[Worndown]

Getting what is needed is the easy part. When you need to go, you will. Even though you may think about it a lot, you might not really be ready.

 

[theboy]

z2

 

[Hope:-)]

The planning and the reality are so different. Once the reality hit me sheesh it was scary. However, I keep coming back to the conclusion that it is what's best for me.

 

[makethepainstop]

When making any major decision, there is always the question, "Am I doing the right thing"? This is one decision that you alone will have to decide. No one here will condemn you or your decision.

 

[Marktheghost]

I'm in the same situation. I don't know what's holding me back.

 

[Hollowillow]

trying to figure out whats holding me back ive nothing to life for
i just keep making it worse coming back here i cant explain this mental agony. like conscoioius cancer it hruts to where i can only rub my head trying to ease it

SI? Just wait until shit hits the fan and you scream for a way out?

Do you believe it's a guilty conscience that's holding you back - like the knowledge that someone still needs you - or do you feel that ending your life feels alien to you..? Anyhow, you don't need to stress it.

I think it's the joy to have SN making life almost seem bearable for a while. Just enjoy it.

 

[want2dienow]

At least you have the option to leave for when the time is right

is that supposed to make it easier ?

The planning and the reality are so different. Once the reality hit me sheesh it was scary. However, I keep coming back to the conclusion that it is what's best for me.

i've been in the reality of despair for too long

Do you believe it's a guilty conscience that's holding you back - like the knowledge that someone still needs you - or do you feel that ending your life feels alien to you..? Anyhow, you don't need to stress it.

no one needs me, a fact
im prolonging the pain by resisting.

fear of a failed attempt

its this.
hope only brings disappointment.
-Amy

ARe you possibly considering some hope you would want to chat about, or is it more than you're just waiting for the right time to leave?

is both?
not gonna lie its got something to do with Final Kismet.
i was waitiing for ~4, but ive been through this before, its despair waiting to happen

SI? Just wait until shit hits the fan and you scream for a way out?

I think it's the joy to have SN making life almost seem bearable for a while. Just enjoy it.

guess i havent had that yet, even though it has already hit the fan
maybe this upcoming despair will be it
this is unbearable, having SN doesn't make anything bearable, not that it was

 

[FrozenMango]

I know what you mean but it doesn't matter. It is good that you are taking your time

 

[botch3d]

Maybe having the ingredients to ctb can put you at ease just from knowing you can when you really want to. No rush

 

[want2dienow]

I know what you mean but it doesn't matter. It is good that you are taking your time

it does matter. pain is serious. this is an ongoing battle

Maybe having the ingredients to ctb can put you at ease just from knowing you can when you really want to. No rush

i do want to, i just keep pausing

 

[Someone123]

i do want to, i just keep pausing

SOme people here stay in this pattern for years, some for months, so0me for weeks- each person decides for themselves when the time is right, and a small percentage recover even if they do not expect to. This is very common here, it's up to you to look at everything and decide what to do. I've been here since October of 2021 and each month I hoped it was my last. Due to a combination of things this month there are the most reasons to move on and it may finally be the one.

 

[Lawliet]

i feel for you. i have everything i need as well but i'm scared. i'm mostly worried about how my family will react, i know they will be devastated.

just waiting for the impulse to hit. but i rest easier knowing i have it.

 

[want2dienow]

i just had a long ponder, trying to figure why i havent taken it already. and of course i had my suspicious already, it had something to do with Final Kismet.

there's something about FK, its growth and depth and just plain emotion that has me not wanting to leave without seeing it to completion; seeing others experience it. its like a nagging feeling that blocks any attempt i have no matter how forceful at taking the SN. its not so obvious, its like
i can be preparing myself to take it, and all the while, there be these thoughts scrolling through my head like a showreel of pretty much one thing. final kismet. its usually always the game's story being played in front me, mostly the repeated prominent events and it just kinda keeps going in this almost foggy loop. sometimes when i sleep, i listen to the tracks that had already been composed i dont know why i torture myself but its soothing at the time, of course all it does it just fuel these reeling memories and sometimes idea sare born straight from these incidents and find themselves suddenly on string for FK other times its just i cant sleep. its torture thoughts really. but its my own fault, i composed something that gained depth more than i ever thought it could or would. now that it has its torturous to know it'll die with me, and no one will see it.
i dont even know why but subconsciously i had in 4 more submission in a last ditch effort to get this game to launch, i dont know why i did it, maybe it was the rest of an offset from one night's dream and some idea that popped that was really good made its way in some event in FK and it just did something to pass the time, i really dont know, there's no definitive answer. all i know is its hard to take SN now and fk definitely has something to do with it.
i have this lingering sentence repeating in the back of my head:
"All I need is one. Just one. one chance is all i need"

maybe that is what gives me despair.

 

[emgrl]

i just had a long ponder, trying to figure why i havent taken it already. and of course i had my suspicious already, it had something to do with Final Kismet.

there's something about FK, its growth and depth and just plain emotion that has me not wanting to leave without seeing it to completion; seeing others experience it. its like a nagging feeling that blocks any attempt i have no matter how forceful at taking the SN. its not so obvious, its like
i can be preparing myself to take it, and all the while, there be these thoughts scrolling through my head like a showreel of pretty much one thing. final kismet. its usually always the game's story being played in front me, mostly the repeated prominent events and it just kinda keeps going in this almost foggy loop. sometimes when i sleep, i listen to the tracks that had already been composed i dont know why i torture myself but its soothing at the time, of course all it does it just fuel these reeling memories and sometimes idea sare born straight from these incidents and find themselves suddenly on string for FK other times its just i cant sleep. its torture thoughts really. but its my own fault, i composed something that gained depth more than i ever thought it could or would. now that it has its torturous to know it'll die with me, and no one will see it.
i dont even know why but subconsciously i had in 4 more submission in a last ditch effort to get this game to launch, i dont know why i did it, maybe it was the rest of an offset from one night's dream and some idea that popped that was really good made its way in some event in FK and it just did something to pass the time, i really dont know, there's no definitive answer. all i know is its hard to take SN now and fk definitely has something to do with it.
i have this lingering sentence repeating in the back of my head:
"All I need is one. Just one. one chance is all i need"

maybe that is what gives me despair.

Why can't it be completed? I'm so sorry for whatever happened, that's clearly your passion.

 

[want2dienow]

Why can't it be completed? I'm so sorry for whatever happened, that's clearly your passion.

money

 

[denix66]

Lo siento por ti. Yo también tengo todo lo que necesito, pero tengo miedo. Lo que más me preocupa es cómo reaccionará mi familia, sé que quedarán devastados.

esperando el impulso para golpear. pero descanso más tranquilo sabiendo que lo tengo.

Ese es mi mayor problema que me carcome por dentro... El impacto en mis hijos... Pero sé que algún día lo haré... Método sn... Completo... tratando de encontrar N

 

[Oblivion]

Same thing here, and i'm in a race with time, i keep eating fatty junk food, zero excersize and alcohol abuse, it's only a matter of time before i get a stroke and a number of diseases and be paralyzed and forced to live for decades in absolute fucking misery, i have to do it NOW and I FUCKING CAN'T FOR SOME FUCKING REASON!!! i always feel like i'm waiting for something good, and i know it won't ever come, but how the fuck do you CONVINCE A BRAIN!!???!?!?!?!!
It's only going worse and worse and worse, i now look like a fucking pig and getting fatter and fatter, i need to do it and i just cant