I have it all planned out but I can't see myself going through with it.

[Stepheng7287]

So I plan to go to work as normal one day, going to collect the bottle of Nitrogen on my 30 minute break, finishing the rest of the day and going out to my car at hometime. I open up the car but sit in the backseat instead. It's dark at this time of the day so no one will see me as I'll park at the end of the carpark and my back windows are tinted. I'll take out the oxygen mask, hook it up to the regulator, turn on the gas, exhale all the air in my lungs, put on the mask and breathe like normal. Lights out. Goodbye world.

I just can't picture myself having the balls to do it. I'll end up being stuck with a bottle of Nitrogen that I'll have to get rid of somehow as my father uses my car when I don't. It's just absolutely terrifying to think about. These last few days planning it all out I have felt so out of it. Everything feels so weird when you're this close to the end. Nothing feels the same anymore. People try to have a laugh with me in work and I just have no emotions to even let out a smile. I feel empty inside like I'm already dead. Anyways, just thought I'd let that out and see if anyone could relate...

 

[GirlN]

Yeah i can relate with what you are saying. The days when I want to ctb it´s like nothing matters, I don´t smile, and I don´t care about anything. Maybe you aren´t ready yet to do it, even though you are prepared and everything.