Josuyo
No, I do not like life, take it away please
- Oct 17, 2021
- 92
I wasn't sure who I could tell, if I should tell anyone, I have a few friends who have speculated this but I'm mainly hesitating to confirm those suspicions just because of the stigma and fears that people might think I want attention or something.
But I recently saw like a proper psycho analyst or whatever he was after my last attempt almost did kill me. And I thought he had written off the possibility of this condition but I got the report in the post the other day and I'm over the threshold for borderline personality disorder.
I wasn't overly surprised by the diagnosis I've been experiencing manifestations of alternate personalities (usually) contained within my conscience since I was about 5 but when I had my meetings with him he gave the impression he didn't think I had BPD so I was expecting a different report.
In the past few years I've not been as bad. It was the worst in uni I know I was experiencing several different personalities and could dissociate and end up being hurt against my own better judgement. But I'm a little scared of this diagnosis possibility starting all that up again.
My friend also had BPD and honestly they gave me the best advice of actually ignoring it and it works surprisingly well. I personally benefited from that method because most my personalities were negative but seemed to feed off my attention to them. Sadly the friend in question who had a similar experience to me killed themselves. And we've always speculated if it was someone else (a personality) who did it.
I know I am personally suicidal myself but I also know of the parts of me who aren't myself being so violent towards me that they want to kill me. Again I've not experienced that for a long time now but even though I often think of CTB I'm trying to get my life back on track the best I can. I don't know if I want to go digging around in all of this again if it's possibility going to ruin things for myself even more when I've been trying really hard to so something with my life.
But I recently saw like a proper psycho analyst or whatever he was after my last attempt almost did kill me. And I thought he had written off the possibility of this condition but I got the report in the post the other day and I'm over the threshold for borderline personality disorder.
I wasn't overly surprised by the diagnosis I've been experiencing manifestations of alternate personalities (usually) contained within my conscience since I was about 5 but when I had my meetings with him he gave the impression he didn't think I had BPD so I was expecting a different report.
In the past few years I've not been as bad. It was the worst in uni I know I was experiencing several different personalities and could dissociate and end up being hurt against my own better judgement. But I'm a little scared of this diagnosis possibility starting all that up again.
My friend also had BPD and honestly they gave me the best advice of actually ignoring it and it works surprisingly well. I personally benefited from that method because most my personalities were negative but seemed to feed off my attention to them. Sadly the friend in question who had a similar experience to me killed themselves. And we've always speculated if it was someone else (a personality) who did it.
I know I am personally suicidal myself but I also know of the parts of me who aren't myself being so violent towards me that they want to kill me. Again I've not experienced that for a long time now but even though I often think of CTB I'm trying to get my life back on track the best I can. I don't know if I want to go digging around in all of this again if it's possibility going to ruin things for myself even more when I've been trying really hard to so something with my life.
