finalizemydemise
New Member
- Aug 10, 2026
- 4
First post!
I want to get through as much as I can since I don't know whether i'm gonna cte soon. My childhood was horror so I really think thats my main driver to my hate. Autism in a poor area surrounded by a major bully hub and being poor and idk if there's other who relate but poor people are much more hierarchal about money so I got easily casted out cause I couldn't participate in many things. Not to mention how difficult it was to bring myself to go outside cause it could be dangerous and my parents fear mongering me as they always do. What made my childhood worse is likely that my growth was stunted by estradiol from bad food and being fat. The way my face was bloated and body was ruined. I've had chronic stress, poor sleep, anxiety, and limited resources for nutrition and horrible habits for picking up exercise which affected my posture and height bad. Wouldn't say it's horrible as I'm average height but every 2 inches is a new life which I assume some of the people would understand. Most facial development is done by age 5 so I wouldn't say I can really pick up where it left off. I'm not gonna say looks are everything anymore since I've read some of these threads and can say some of you guys really had it bad and deserve all the support. Most of my problems now are from me not learning how to stand up for myself and being put in so much stressful situations. People don't come up to my face or just confront me of things I didn't do, press me for having to be around them or people who knew how vulnerable I used to be. Currently the job market is pretty horrible and I don't want to be put in a spot where I have to be around people again. I've dealt with a lot of abuse but luckily nothing as severe as I made it out to be at the moments it would happen. I'm a shut in after graduating highschool.
I want to get through as much as I can since I don't know whether i'm gonna cte soon. My childhood was horror so I really think thats my main driver to my hate. Autism in a poor area surrounded by a major bully hub and being poor and idk if there's other who relate but poor people are much more hierarchal about money so I got easily casted out cause I couldn't participate in many things. Not to mention how difficult it was to bring myself to go outside cause it could be dangerous and my parents fear mongering me as they always do. What made my childhood worse is likely that my growth was stunted by estradiol from bad food and being fat. The way my face was bloated and body was ruined. I've had chronic stress, poor sleep, anxiety, and limited resources for nutrition and horrible habits for picking up exercise which affected my posture and height bad. Wouldn't say it's horrible as I'm average height but every 2 inches is a new life which I assume some of the people would understand. Most facial development is done by age 5 so I wouldn't say I can really pick up where it left off. I'm not gonna say looks are everything anymore since I've read some of these threads and can say some of you guys really had it bad and deserve all the support. Most of my problems now are from me not learning how to stand up for myself and being put in so much stressful situations. People don't come up to my face or just confront me of things I didn't do, press me for having to be around them or people who knew how vulnerable I used to be. Currently the job market is pretty horrible and I don't want to be put in a spot where I have to be around people again. I've dealt with a lot of abuse but luckily nothing as severe as I made it out to be at the moments it would happen. I'm a shut in after graduating highschool.
