Venting i hate my disorders

[Life_and_Death]

im not getting anywhere. anxieties and phobias. dissociation. personality disorder(s?). and my thoughts....they just dont shut up. but i cant say anything. i dont even know what to say. and lately everyone has been noticing something wrong with me. typically when i get a message or someone talks to me i answer right away or as soon as i can. i just dont care anymore. my disorders are wearing me out, always pointing out what is wrong.

but......i just cant figure it out. if they are my own thoughts why cant i just make them stop. why wont they go away. they just keep talking and talking. i cant escape them. and the dissociation keeps me inside myself. there is no "reality" just me and my thoughts. and my personality disorder has them all over the place. i cant think straight for even a second. and if i try to change the topic of my thoughts is just gets worse.

and the worse part....none of this is real. my disorders dont exist. but they must because i cant control them. which just leaves me feeling like shit for ever saying anything but i need to get these thoughts out they are killing me. but they arent real so im lying, just looking for attention. but again....they have to be real......dont they?

i feel like ive gone insane and it's too late

 

[Good4Nothing]

I feel the exact same way. Everything you said.

 

[XYZ]

I've heard some argue that mental illness is not real, in the sense that it is not an actual illness. Well, it has completely fucked up my life and lead to very serious physical disabilities, so it's the REALEST thing in my life, I can tell you that.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I've heard some argue that mental illness is not real, in the sense that it is not an actual illness. Well, it has completely fucked up my life and lead to very serious physical disabilities, so it's the REALEST thing in my life, I can tell you that.

It doesnt feel real. It feels like its all a lie. Almost like youre stuck inside of a simulation and you know it but you cant get out.

 

[XYZ]

It doesnt feel real. It feels like its all a lie. Almost like youre stuck inside of a simulation and you know it but you cant get out.

At least if it's a simulation, you might, theoretically break free from it at some point.

In my case, this is my reality. I am a slave to pain and regret forever. There's no other reality.

 

[Life_and_Death]

At least if it's a simulation, you might, theoretically break free from it at some point.

How can fix what you can not first admit is broken?

 

[XYZ]

How can fix what you can not first admit is broken?

Good question... Don't have an answer. Now I just just feel sorry for you and angry at life in general. (Hug)

 

[Life_and_Death]

Good question... Don't have an answer. Now I just just feel sorry for you and angry at life in general. (Hug)

It's ok. Maybe not everything was meant to have an answer