I hate my body. More explicitly than ever

[19andOverdue]

I used to be the attractive, short, athletic guy in my school. I'm 19 now. And after years of chronic suicidality, I've lost all motivation to take care of myself. And I've been terrified of exercising, as it makes me relive the trauma of highschool and my need for social validation. I get none of that now, I've become what I fear most. I'm only slightly overweight, but to me I feel like I've lost all my dignity, and my entire identity is the failure people see in me now. I've had on and off eating disorders, but I can't starve myself out of cowardice. I need food for self-medication, I need to few some kind of relief in this hell of a world, and food offers the little immediate serotonin that I so selfishly crave. I hate my being. I hate my body. Motivate me to pull the trigger, please…

 

[picklemick]

I would talk to someone who specializes in eating disorders. You might not have motivation to take care of yourself but if you go through the motions you might feel better. Have you tried hgh or steroids. You'd be amazed how your mood changes instantly and your desire to work out becomes second nature. Experiment first, you're young.

 

[19andOverdue]

I would talk to someone who specializes in eating disorders. You might not have motivation to take care of yourself but if you go through the motions you might feel better. Have you tried hgh or steroids. You'd be amazed how your mood changes instantly and your desire to work out becomes second nature. Experiment first, you're young.

I haven't considered hormones but I'd be very open to it. Can I only buy those on un-indexed websites? Or can I find them on the clear web

 

[picklemick]

Very easy to buy steroids pm if needed.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Just another thought to throw in the mix, but you do know that hgh and steroids carry an increased risk of cancer, right? Hey, it's your life, and you can do as you want, but I just don't see the risk worth the reward in this scenario, IMO.

 

[19andOverdue]

Just another thought to throw in the mix, but you do know that hgh and steroids carry an increased risk of cancer, right? Hey, it's your life, and you can do as you want, but I just don't see the risk worth the reward in this scenario, IMO I'm on this website for a reaso

I'm on this website lol you think I place value on my life?

 

[FuneralCry]

It really can be so horrible being trapped in a life that you hate, and I know that this life can be unbearable when you suffer so much. I hope that you find relief from what you are going through.