darknessisfine8
beauty is so painful
- Oct 12, 2025
- 16
yesterday . i saw a girl in the park .
she was so cute . around 25 . and she was wearing a pink sweater . with black hair .
she was writing a journal and i could see her smile .
i saw for a second how beautiful she was ( aesthetically . i mean )
and i tried to get near to her . i didnt wanted to flirt or anything . i just wanted . to be next to her . for a few second .
the sad part however . was that . she was terrified when she saw me .
and just walked away .
i never wanted to hurt her . for a second i was really confused . but then . i realised why .
i saw myself again . with weird scars all over my body . with a hand that almost looks red from distance cuz of sh .
my red eyes and weirdly long hair .
i realised how much hate i dispense to people . i was really broken into pieces .
to realise i can never have such a normal life .
that i can never enjoy a simple writing or video game and i just keep sh as my main time pass activity .
i never wanted this . everything to turn out so bad .
i didnt wanted to hurt anyone .
i could remember the memories i used to think of a simple life . a simple car . or a simple house . reading . or drinking a cup of tea .
now . its all gray . whenever i try to do something fun it just makes me feel worse .
that i cant enjoy something that is supposed to make me feel better .
i used to see the world in such wonder . now everything is meaningless and without color .
humans turned into animals .
and the nature into chaotic atoms for me .
the entire world turned so meaningless and small for me .
thats not the sad part .
the sad part is that im never gonna be capable for such a fragile and beautiful kind of living creature .
im never gonna be a helpful person in life of a girl which sees the life that wonderful . with such an angle .
im never meant for people like her . im even dangerous to them .
depressing to them .
and im sad i will never have such a simple life .
i just hope i could make things better but i know enough that i can say its almost impossible .
i dont just mean how my life turned out . thats not possible on a philosophical view as well .
that i can see how meaningless . chaotic and absurd the world is .
i wish there was a way i could see it simple again
she was so cute . around 25 . and she was wearing a pink sweater . with black hair .
she was writing a journal and i could see her smile .
i saw for a second how beautiful she was ( aesthetically . i mean )
and i tried to get near to her . i didnt wanted to flirt or anything . i just wanted . to be next to her . for a few second .
the sad part however . was that . she was terrified when she saw me .
and just walked away .
i never wanted to hurt her . for a second i was really confused . but then . i realised why .
i saw myself again . with weird scars all over my body . with a hand that almost looks red from distance cuz of sh .
my red eyes and weirdly long hair .
i realised how much hate i dispense to people . i was really broken into pieces .
to realise i can never have such a normal life .
that i can never enjoy a simple writing or video game and i just keep sh as my main time pass activity .
i never wanted this . everything to turn out so bad .
i didnt wanted to hurt anyone .
i could remember the memories i used to think of a simple life . a simple car . or a simple house . reading . or drinking a cup of tea .
now . its all gray . whenever i try to do something fun it just makes me feel worse .
that i cant enjoy something that is supposed to make me feel better .
i used to see the world in such wonder . now everything is meaningless and without color .
humans turned into animals .
and the nature into chaotic atoms for me .
the entire world turned so meaningless and small for me .
thats not the sad part .
the sad part is that im never gonna be capable for such a fragile and beautiful kind of living creature .
im never gonna be a helpful person in life of a girl which sees the life that wonderful . with such an angle .
im never meant for people like her . im even dangerous to them .
depressing to them .
and im sad i will never have such a simple life .
i just hope i could make things better but i know enough that i can say its almost impossible .
i dont just mean how my life turned out . thats not possible on a philosophical view as well .
that i can see how meaningless . chaotic and absurd the world is .
i wish there was a way i could see it simple again
