Venting I hate dreaming

[Neuron.exe]

I had a dream the other night that took me back to high school—eight years ago. I was at some kind of party or get-together, maybe skating, surrounded by old classmates I had long since forgotten. Even the cute guys I used to have low-key crushes on were there, the ones I could never pursue because of how I looked.

But in the dream, things were different. I was charming, likable—attractive, even. I could sing, and people actually cared. It felt good. It felt like a version of life I never got to live.

And then I woke up.

That's why I hate dreaming. My mind gives me these fleeting moments of happiness, only to rip them away. It dangles hope in front of me—a glimpse of a life where I am enough—only to remind me that it's never going to happen. It's like my subconscious wants me to taste a world I can never have, just to make waking up even worse.

I'll never get to be that person. I'll never be the center of attention, never impress the cute guy enough for him to want me. I was born wrong—unlucky. Born Black, predisposed to mental illness, with no money and no real chance. Always desperate for validation, always set up to fail.

I've had dreams where I was happy—hell, I've even tried lucid dreaming—but in the end, I always have to wake up. And when I do, the reality is still the same.

I wish I could go back to high school. But as someone else. Someone white, someone skinny, someone loved.

Or maybe I just wish I had never been born at all.

 

[yowai]

I wish I could just keep dreaming without ever waking up lol it's the only place where I'm actually living and doing stuff

 

[cme-dme]

I feel this so deeply. My dreams often feel like visions of what I wish my life is. Many of them take place in urban environments, my friends by my side as we just explore and live life without any of the baggage of the waking world just living our best lives together.
Then I wake up and am reminded of how deeply alone I am, knowing I will spend all day in this room. No friends to hang out with. Nowhere to go. The meaninglessness of all of this sets in once again.

 

[niki wonoto]

It's the problem of "reality .vs. dreams". In fact, it made me to experience what's called the existential depression, for a (very) long time, even still until now. mainly because of this existential dilemma.

Our dreams will always be more interesting, exciting, wonderful, fantastical, & full of unlimited possibilities.
Reality, on the other hand, is very limiting, constraining, and generally just boring, mundane, dull, stupid, trivial, & depressing.
"Reality is often disappointing", even Thanos said this!

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I was charming, likable—attractive, even. I could sing, and people actually cared.

Born Black, predisposed to mental illness, with no money and no real chance.

I've met plenty of black people and poor people who fit that description you described above. This doesn't have anything to do with race or wealth.

 

[an alien]

IDK if this is a possibility for you or maybe for anyone else reading this but weed typically stops dreams. Like, literally, if you smoke weed regularly or try to do it before bed you wont experience as many/any dreams. It can genuinely be a helpful tool if going through regular terrible dreams. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with them, I experienced super regular, horrific, nightmares until I started self medicating with weed. If can mildly change your sleep quality but if your sleep is already getting fucked by nightmares its a welcome change.

 

[SmilingNoMore]

IDK if this is a possibility for you or maybe for anyone else reading this but weed typically stops dreams. Like, literally, if you smoke weed regularly or try to do it before bed you wont experience as many/any dreams.

I think I can relate yes, before I started smoking weed, I used to dream quite a lot, not bad dreams, just weird dreams mainly. Then started smoking mid 2022 and stopped dreaming. Now, I stopped smoking a month ago, I'm starting to dream again, but it's more bad than good dreams. Could also be because I'm in a bad space, but I definitely think the weed has something to do with it.

 

[Ligottian]

In many of my dreams, I find myself facing some insoluble problem, often related to school or work. Having good dreams are very rare for me. Also, as I have gotten older, certain foods seem to trigger nightmares.

 

[ittinglesconstantly]

I'm not too bothered by them. My dreams are so far removed from reality that it's hard to even have any emotional response to them. Even if it was emotionally charged, I forget my dreams in a day anyways.

 

[Jorvak]

I had a dream the other night that took me back to high school—eight years ago. I was at some kind of party or get-together, maybe skating, surrounded by old classmates I had long since forgotten. Even the cute guys I used to have low-key crushes on were there, the ones I could never pursue because of how I looked.

But in the dream, things were different. I was charming, likable—attractive, even. I could sing, and people actually cared. It felt good. It felt like a version of life I never got to live.

And then I woke up.

That's why I hate dreaming. My mind gives me these fleeting moments of happiness, only to rip them away. It dangles hope in front of me—a glimpse of a life where I am enough—only to remind me that it's never going to happen. It's like my subconscious wants me to taste a world I can never have, just to make waking up even worse.

I'll never get to be that person. I'll never be the center of attention, never impress the cute guy enough for him to want me. I was born wrong—unlucky. Born Black, predisposed to mental illness, with no money and no real chance. Always desperate for validation, always set up to fail.

I've had dreams where I was happy—hell, I've even tried lucid dreaming—but in the end, I always have to wake up. And when I do, the reality is still the same.

I wish I could go back to high school. But as someone else. Someone white, someone skinny, someone loved.

Or maybe I just wish I had never been born at all.

That's really rough. Dealing with racism is really shitty. I understand why you feel the way you do, but It's really disgusting how you've been made to feel ashamed just for being who you are, and that you feel like you can't even take any pride in your heritage because of the racist bigotry you've dealt with in your life. It's absolutely disgusting how, especially in a country like the US, black people are held to a much higher standard to white people. If a white person does a crime, it gets blamed on "mental illness", and then its a sob story of a "good person who lost their way". But if a black person does a crime then all black people are collectively blamed for it, and the reporting ruthlessly focuses on only negative aspects of a persons history to try to eliminate as much humanity from the picture as possible.

I'm a man of a northern european ethnicity living in a society that has white supremacy baked into it while it claims to be "color blind", which is just another form of racism. I reject the concept of "race", as there is only one human race. I also fundamentally reject the concept of 'whiteness', because it is a supremacist ideology. I can't say i've experienced severe and daily racism or made to feel bad for my heritage, but i always try to step in if i detect someone is being discriminated against for their ethnic background. I have had to deal with many other issues that have to do with how i'm treated in society as an Autistic person. Many People are very judgemental and form prejudiced social groups and hatred towards people who behave and appear different or are a minority in society. So even though my issues aren't from dealing with Racism I can relate to much of what you said, because of another prejudice i've dealt with all my life.

I really wish you could be proud of your heritage, to be proud to be who you are as a black person, and not feel like you have to adopt a different identity just to be accepted and feel good about yourself.

You can DM me anytime you want. If you need someone to talk to in private, I'll hear you out and give you my perspective to try to help you out in what you are going through.

I've met plenty of black people and poor people who fit that description you described above. This doesn't have anything to do with race or wealth.

Every single damn time I've seen you in a post like this, you always go out of your way to misinterpret and misunderstand people. Grammar and Context matter. If you read what they are saying, They didn't say being black made them predisposed to mental illness, they were using themselves being born black as one of many examples of why they have it rough in a racist society.

"I'll never get to be that person. I'll never be the center of attention, never impress the cute guy enough for him to want me. I was born wrong—unlucky. Born Black, predisposed to mental illness, with no money and no real chance. Always desperate for validation, always set up to fail."

Take note that "Born Black" is separated by a little known thing as a comma, which is this little guy right here: , . What is presented Is a list of factors to explain the prior context of why they have had a very unfulfilling life, which is exactly what the previous context was about.

You always assume the worst of what people mean by nitpicking things out of context, never developing an accurate understanding of their overall meaning in context and then you rail into them with jarring harshness and no empathy. You never try to help people or empathize with them, you just try to tear them apart when they are at their lowest point. This is a really horrid personality trait and its extremely toxic.

 

[an alien]

I think I can relate yes, before I started smoking weed, I used to dream quite a lot, not bad dreams, just weird dreams mainly. Then started smoking mid 2022 and stopped dreaming. Now, I stopped smoking a month ago, I'm starting to dream again, but it's more bad than good dreams. Could also be because I'm in a bad space, but I definitely think the weed has something to do with it.

From my experience as a heavy regular smoker than has had to stop for various reasons or periods of a time- often when you start to dream again they will be was more intense than normal being it weird or bad but it *should* start to level out and be normal again the farther you are from the time you regularly smoked. I hope for you that's the case and you can go back to just having weird dreams again :P