I had the chance and I didn’t take it

[medicinenightmares]

I'm so angry with myself.

I had been meticulously researching suicide methods since June 2019 and I had finally settled on SN since I'm a fucking coward and unlikely to follow through with anything messier/lethal. I ordered the Tagamet and the meto and SN and received them all a couple months later in the mail and then I didn't take them. I kept them in my cupboard until I sorted some things out, and then I wanted to take them in October, but I fucking chickened out and I told a friend how awful I was feeling and gave them my SN to keep it away from me while I attempted to get my life back together again.

I regret giving it to her. She obviously threw it away or whatever, so now I'm left with the decision to order more SN that will come in a month or to find another way, which is more likely to fail bc I am a coward.

I fucking hate myself.

 

[LifeAfterDeath00]

The mind can be tricky. Stay strong!

 

[Lost4toolong]

Find out whats making u cowardly. And either use it to drive u out of this hole, or use it to propel u further. Ive found with myself. Unresolved issues or feelings hold me back. Think on and work through your feelings and personal matters. And your path will open up clear as day

 

[theguineapigking]

Hey. You're not a coward. You're not weak. I'm not only saying that to make you feel better or to be polite. Being scared to die is normal. Being scared to end it all is scary. It's a human response. You can't help it. I can't help it. Don't feel bad about yourself. Look at how many people on this forum go through the same type of experience. Especially after they take it,then decide to call 911.


I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. Your friend seems to care. Is this correct? Is she someone you still feel comfortable talking with?


If you need to talk about anything,I'm here for you. I mean it. I won't judge. Feel free to share why you feel this way.



I wish you the best❤