deadngoresurgery
Jezebel
- Jan 10, 2026
- 69
So following a relationship (i guess you could call it that idk, we weren't even dating) ending, I felt extremely suicidal and decided to talk to a therapist. I talked to an emergency counselor and they sent me to the hospital against my will. Then I went to a behavioral health facility. The guy thay wanted to end the relationship with me literally came to visit me in the hospital and was telling me sweet things, how he loved me, kissing me, etc. He told the nurses i was his girlfriend even tho he doesnt even want to be with me. It probably repulsed him to even say that. Then after I got out of that hellhole, I had spring break. I met up with him and we both hung out in my dorm and spent the night. Then over spring break, he barely texted me. I was the one texting him. And if I didnt text him, he just wouldn't even text me. He was so dry, didn't tell me he loves me, nothing.
What the fuck? So after all that, you discard me like a toy? Then yesterday, getting back from break, I met up with him again so he could give me something he borrowed from me. He was dry at first, but then we just sat there and I hugged him. He let me, but didnt hug me back. Then after a while, I cried to him about what was bothering me. Then we sat in the dark and we kissed eventually. I still love him a lot. I kept hugging him, kissing him. Then we laid down and he told me again, he loves me but cant be with me. I ask why, but he said he already told me. He didn't tell me clearly. I kept asking but he refused to tell me. So eventually, he wants me to leave because I "need rest" and his roommate wants to come back and sleep (he was never concerned about his roommate in the past, he just wanted an excuse to get me out). But whatever. I get up and just tell him how I feel. He says he loves me, but he blocked me om WhatsApp and Instagram. He says he loves me, he doesnt talk to me. He says he loves me, he doesn't show it at all. Maybe he never loved me. Maybe I was just a plaything for him until he got tired of me and discarded me. It always happens like that for me. I feel empty. All my relationships in the past. I just get used up, then abandoned like the worthless trash I am. This is no different. Maybe he didnt use me, but he still abandoned me like that. It just had the same outcome. He says "ill always love you" then I tell him he'll probably find someone else. He says "maybe I will, maybe you will. You never know". Oh I know for certain I only want him. I dont want to find someone else to start over with just to have them abandon me too. But he might. I know he'll move on and forget about me. Liar. Hes lying to me right there. He probably already likes someone else that's sweet to him. Gonna ask her out like how he asked me out. God that hurts so bad thinking about it. He wanted to enjoy some things with me, like some TV shows, but looks like that wont happen. Fuck this. "Maybe we'll cross paths again in the future", he says. What the fuck does that mean? Its clear he doesn't want to. He wants nothing to do with me. He'll cross paths with me after getting with another girl? Or maybe he neve will again. "Ill always love you" my ass. I love him a lot, but he makes me angry and sad. It hurts so bad. I then texted him, asking if he can at least talk with me the rest of the school year, then he doesn't have to see me ever again after that.
Idk. I just wanna die
What the fuck? So after all that, you discard me like a toy? Then yesterday, getting back from break, I met up with him again so he could give me something he borrowed from me. He was dry at first, but then we just sat there and I hugged him. He let me, but didnt hug me back. Then after a while, I cried to him about what was bothering me. Then we sat in the dark and we kissed eventually. I still love him a lot. I kept hugging him, kissing him. Then we laid down and he told me again, he loves me but cant be with me. I ask why, but he said he already told me. He didn't tell me clearly. I kept asking but he refused to tell me. So eventually, he wants me to leave because I "need rest" and his roommate wants to come back and sleep (he was never concerned about his roommate in the past, he just wanted an excuse to get me out). But whatever. I get up and just tell him how I feel. He says he loves me, but he blocked me om WhatsApp and Instagram. He says he loves me, he doesnt talk to me. He says he loves me, he doesn't show it at all. Maybe he never loved me. Maybe I was just a plaything for him until he got tired of me and discarded me. It always happens like that for me. I feel empty. All my relationships in the past. I just get used up, then abandoned like the worthless trash I am. This is no different. Maybe he didnt use me, but he still abandoned me like that. It just had the same outcome. He says "ill always love you" then I tell him he'll probably find someone else. He says "maybe I will, maybe you will. You never know". Oh I know for certain I only want him. I dont want to find someone else to start over with just to have them abandon me too. But he might. I know he'll move on and forget about me. Liar. Hes lying to me right there. He probably already likes someone else that's sweet to him. Gonna ask her out like how he asked me out. God that hurts so bad thinking about it. He wanted to enjoy some things with me, like some TV shows, but looks like that wont happen. Fuck this. "Maybe we'll cross paths again in the future", he says. What the fuck does that mean? Its clear he doesn't want to. He wants nothing to do with me. He'll cross paths with me after getting with another girl? Or maybe he neve will again. "Ill always love you" my ass. I love him a lot, but he makes me angry and sad. It hurts so bad. I then texted him, asking if he can at least talk with me the rest of the school year, then he doesn't have to see me ever again after that.
Idk. I just wanna die
