fox_wannabe
Enlightened
- Jul 7, 2021
- 1,112
I stopped mentally suffering. Which is good.
The problem is now that I feel relatively healthy and started to think about my future plans, and It gives me anxiety, because I can literally see in real time how our global civilization grinds to a halt and becomes very dystopian. Future I was planning for or rather, I was promised is no longer possible.
First day in college and I my face was scanned for virus by a face recognition software on the entrance to the building. This is nuts. Inflation is growing in my country and I am afraid I will not be able to sustain myself. I am not sure I even want to. I am very much dependent on lithium and other supplements I am taking to make my life bearable. I am pretty anxious talking about it.
I seriously started going back to my suicidal ideation wanting to save myself from horrors of the future, unfortunately many of my family members are here, though they do not have same worries as me.
I feel kind off lost, because instead of killing myself, now I have to live and live my long life, having plans, striving, working etc. And I am not sure if my mental health is good enough for It. I quitted my last 3 jobs because of health/mental health or anxiety. I tried life and I am not good in it. I have supplement stack of 12 bottles of pills I need to take to hopefully feel "normal".
I am just gonna lay down on my bed. I feel overwhelmed.
The problem is now that I feel relatively healthy and started to think about my future plans, and It gives me anxiety, because I can literally see in real time how our global civilization grinds to a halt and becomes very dystopian. Future I was planning for or rather, I was promised is no longer possible.
First day in college and I my face was scanned for virus by a face recognition software on the entrance to the building. This is nuts. Inflation is growing in my country and I am afraid I will not be able to sustain myself. I am not sure I even want to. I am very much dependent on lithium and other supplements I am taking to make my life bearable. I am pretty anxious talking about it.
I seriously started going back to my suicidal ideation wanting to save myself from horrors of the future, unfortunately many of my family members are here, though they do not have same worries as me.
I feel kind off lost, because instead of killing myself, now I have to live and live my long life, having plans, striving, working etc. And I am not sure if my mental health is good enough for It. I quitted my last 3 jobs because of health/mental health or anxiety. I tried life and I am not good in it. I have supplement stack of 12 bottles of pills I need to take to hopefully feel "normal".
I am just gonna lay down on my bed. I feel overwhelmed.
