Venting i feel like theres no point anymore

[cordolium]

I wrote this a little bit ago and some of it won't make sense except to me but I just need to be seen

I always feel like I'm never enough for anyone. or anything. I wish I didn't have to wake up anymore. I wish I didn't have to wake up in pain every day. I wish I could wake up and actually feel happy. I'm never going to be good enough for anything in the world. I'm good at singing but not good enough to win awards or get lead roles. I'm good at esports but not good enough to make varsity or be picked first in scrims. I feel like I have no good purpose in this world. I annoy every single person I talk to and it's so easy to tell that I do it too. I'm not liked enough by anyone. I'm always the last choice in any scenario and I have no clue how to make that change. I don't know how to prove to anyone that I'm worthy of being appreciated. I don't know how long I can keep going being so alone. I hate being in relationships. I ruin everything when I date people. I ruin everything no matter what I do. I don't matter at all. everyone makes that very clear. I'm so tired and I want to give up. I don't want to hurt anyone but at this point, no one cares enough to notice anyway. I've given so many signs away to people but everyone is busy with their own lives. I'm just something that seems to be left behind. I guess that makes me feel better though. gives me a reason to give up knowing no one will care. no one has ever cared the way I've cared for them. I hope I make the right decision, whatever it is. I know everyone thinks I'm being dramatic. I've kept this in too long that it all seems dramatized but it's true. I don't have a reason to lie about feelings that no one has cared about all this time.

I wish I was brave enough to end it all.

 

[waitingforrest]

I see you, and hear all that you have written. Even if I don't understand, we all want to be seen as that important person in someone's life, to matter, to actually exist to someone.

To be that person that people look for when they notice you disappeared, to be treated of value. Trying to make others smile in hopes of being able to somehow smile ourselves.

It's logical to believe a internet stranger could possibly care when those we know in the real world don't, but I wish you well, and your decision be what you have been longing for in this life.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really sympathise where you are coming from. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better but I struggle with many of the same issues.

I am also creative but I'll never be as good as I want to be and I'm not good enough as a freelancer to know I can keep going at this. It's so unbalanced but my creative work is my life. I had family problems growing up and it became a crutch to get me through and it's just become an obsession. It's my only purpose really. I live miles away from family and friends and I've really just lost touch with everyone.

I'm totally useless socially and I've pretty much become an all out recluse to the point that any social interaction makes me hugely anxious.

I feel exactly the same as you- on the one hand, it's terribly lonely but on the other, perhaps it's a blessing- if I do manage to pluck up the courage to ctb, I doubt many people will even notice. I think they might still feel sort of sad- in the way we do when we hear about a strangers suicide but I would hope it would be less intense.

I'm so sorry you are suffering but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. I wish you all the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life does seem to be endless suffering and misery all for the sake of it. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I am also very tired of everything. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief as none of us should have to suffer.