Venting i feel like im too privileged feel like this

[thefrenchmonkey]

Lately I've been feeling pretty depressed, with occasional suicidal thoughts and random thoughts of cutting myself, but I haven't rlly acted on any of them. It's really up and down, one moment the day feels really pleasant, and then I just randomly hit a depressive phase and everything just goes to shit for a long while.
Like I just feel like my head is spinning at times. like im fortunate enough to have people in my life that genuinely care abt me, which almost rules out suicide as an option for me bc i feel like it would be too selfish, but i just keep having these thoughts.

however, as the title says, the main problem for me is that i feel like i just dont deserve to feel like this. i come from a relatively rich family and i got a pretty good high school education at a private school, and im about to go to a college which is one of the best colleges in the country for the major im applying for. people expect the summer before college to be a "happy" time for most, especially because its one of the only times we have no academic responsibilities, yet somehow it turned out to be one of my biggest lows and i just dont fucking know why. For one of the first times in my life i have very little to worry about, and i know im extremely fortunate to be in this position. which is why i jus feel like im having first world problems and idk why i feel so fucking sad all the time, and its just been getting worse and worse over the months.

 

[Canto XIII]

Lately I've been feeling pretty depressed, with occasional suicidal thoughts and random thoughts of cutting myself, but I haven't rlly acted on any of them. It's really up and down, one moment the day feels really pleasant, and then I just randomly hit a depressive phase and everything just goes to shit for a long while.
Like I just feel like my head is spinning at times. like im fortunate enough to have people in my life that genuinely care abt me, which almost rules out suicide as an option for me bc i feel like it would be too selfish, but i just keep having these thoughts.

however, as the title says, the main problem for me is that i feel like i just dont deserve to feel like this. i come from a relatively rich family and i got a pretty good high school education at a private school, and im about to go to a college which is one of the best colleges in the country for the major im applying for. people expect the summer before college to be a "happy" time for most, especially because its one of the only times we have no academic responsibilities, yet somehow it turned out to be one of my biggest lows and i just dont fucking know why. For one of the first times in my life i have very little to worry about, and i know im extremely fortunate to be in this position. which is why i jus feel like im having first world problems and idk why i feel so fucking sad all the time, and its just been getting worse and worse over the months.

We're all privileged if compared to someone else who is more unfortunate than us. Also, money is not the only form of privilege existing in life or society. Suffering is neither deserved nor undeserved, it just happens.

Have you taken in consideration to talk to a psychiatrist?

 

[thefrenchmonkey]

We're all privileged if compared to someone else who is more unfortunate than us. Also, money is not the only form of privilege existing in life or society. Suffering is neither deserved nor undeserved, it just happens.

Have you taken in consideration to talk to a psychiatrist?

I've thought about it and it's something I think I'd wanna explore once I move out and start college in a month, just so that I can have more control over it. I also have rlly bad social anxiety and am kinda scared to make myself vulnerable to a random stranger so I'm still kinda hesitant.

 

[Canto XIII]

I also have rlly bad social anxiety and am kinda scared to make myself vulnerable to a random stranger so I'm still kinda hesitant.

That's common. You have to image they're not a random stranger but a professional. You wouldn't talk about an erectile disfunction to a random stranger but you would talk about it to an urologist, right? But I get it's difficult, it was difficult for me as well once. (Of course there are also bad professionals, but that's another story.) Good for you if you try it.

 

[x9x99988]

I used to feel privileged too. But just because someone has it worse doesn't mean my problems and MH doesn't matter

 

[MAKE IT STOP!]

I feel the same way. I have a family who loves me, a high school diploma, and friends who love me, and a job (it's a shitty dead-end job but still) and yet I still feel this way. Then again, I've gone through shit that made me feel like this, such as sexual abuse, verbal abuse from my ex, etc.