I feel like I'm laughing stock, my whole existence is embarrassing and reduced to be a shame because of that I protect myself by lies

[3rdworldsadness]

People see me as a laughing stock when I tell my problem or just being casual they will straight out mocking me, everyone I know mocked me in my life to feel like I'm nothing I have no worth at all. I only wanted a safe connection. To protect myself I lie and when they caught I'm lying I lie again just to not feel ashamed about my feelings. I hate myself so much for this.

Even the people I trusted everyone betrayed me, im feeling so worthless. I feel sick, I feel like vomiting for being a clown and stupid. I can't understand people, I can't get why people always choose to be negative with me. I try to be positive but people see this as a way to make me a laughing stock. Things they mind replaying things they said I need to get out :

"You are have disgusting life, and you dare to be positive!" "Your colour has no value and you try to do makeup!!!" "You are not worthy" "You are so dirty wash yourself with bleaching powder" "How did you even get to the college?? Idiot ugly" "you are so senseless I don't know how you survive" "Do you know more than me? Idiot" "Nobody cares if you die, poor you" "No I won't sit with this creature" "Your much younger niece is more efficient than you stupid" "you can't even walk properly haha"

Those are the things people have said, there's so so many more, they only pick on my flaws and says the most negative thing I feel so worthless I just can't. I think it's all my fault.

Just a vent.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to endure this. You're not worthless even if people irl say this. It's also not your fault bc you didn't decide to be incarnated - your parents made that decision and they're the responsible ones.