Venting I feel like I'm choosing between others and myself

[Peppermint IceCream]

I am incredibly blessed that I am actually replied on, by quite a few people. What sucks is I'm so fucking miserable. I feel like I'm choosing my peace verse my loved ones happiness. What makes it even worse is my loved ones are just as exhausted and drained as I am, it's just they have me and others in their support network but I feel so alone. Seeing the people I love suffer makes life so much more unbearable, I'm so tired. I just want everything to be okay, I just want it all to end. But I'm so scared if I die my family and friends will come with me.