Venting I feel like I don’t have any control

[Tired&Drained]

I feel like I'm trapped, I feel like every good thing that happens is just this temporary high that just exists to trick me into thinking all the pain is worth it, I just wish I could be happy, that there was a way that life could just be good, or at least where the happiness outweighed the pain, but I don't know if it is

I feel like I should be happier, I'm out of my parents place, I have a girlfriend who I love so much, I'm months into transition and getting less uncomfortable with my body, why can't I just be happy? Why is it so easy to suffer but so incredibly difficult to be happy, why does something always come to wreck things when I'm finally happy?

I feel like an addict, happiness is my addiction, suffering is the withdrawal, and life is what makes it all happen

 

[d33per]

Sounds like you are fine candidate for Buddhist teachings on the frail nature of happiness and the human condition... Not that I would call myself s Buddhist, but what you describe immediately made me think about "wiser" approaches to long lasting happiness and dealing with your complex desires and emotions as a thinking, self aware being... Just an idea.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Are you sure it's not the newness of the hormones messing with you? And, I don't know how long you've been sad and all, but doesn't that take a little time to resolve itself? I don't think it's like flipping a light switch. I would think you still have some ambiguity going on, and a lot of worries at the back of your mind about how it will all turn out.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are going through this, it really is so awful to feel trapped. It does seem like to me that in this life anything positive does not last long and eventually causes us to suffer more. This life is very depressing after all. Happiness does not even exist to me, my life is only suffering. I wish you the best in whatever happens.