I feel like a fraud

[Treeline589]

I just feel like a fucking fraud. To all outward appearances I have it all together. Inside I'm slowly falling apart. I shouldn't complain, I have a job but lately this is the main problem. I feel like a failure at my job. There was a time where I used to consider myself competant at my job but not anymore. And I wish it was as easy as just finding another job but it's not, in my mind that would be a huge failure. Things at work are just getting worse and the thing is at this point my brain tells me it won't matter because I won't be around. Which is leading to the 24/7 thoughts of suicide.

I also feel like a fraud as a person. I have nobody. I know its not a popular thing to have a good relationship with a therapist but I feel like this is the one area that I do have something. Luckily I can be pretty open and honest about my suicidal thoughts with him. But lately, that hasn't even been helping.

I'm not even sure where my rambling is going right now. I guess Im just tired of feeling like a fraud. Im tired of living life, I just need to ctb

 

[cyanlove]

I understand what you mean about seeming on the outside you got it all together but on the inside it doesn't feel that way at all.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I'm sorry.

 

[Depressed Cat]

I understand your feelings of seemingly having everything going for you on the outside but being suicidal on the inside.

Don't let your job define you. It's just a fucking job. You are worth much more than your job title and the organisation you work for.

You're lucky to have an understanding therapist. Tell him everything and take his help in making you feel better.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. It can be a dreadful feeling when nothing helps. I'm sorry you are going through this. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.