I feel heartbroken

[Fulminare]

I've been trying so hard to recover ever since my suicide attempt over a week ago. The only thing that makes me feel is alcohol and self harm. I don't want to slip into this pattern because I know it's bad, but at least it gives me the thrill I need. So much blood. I keep thinking "why wasn't I successful?". God I'll regret posting this once I'm sober but this is the only time I can even open up.

 

[timf]

Sometimes life can narrow such that only one or two things seem to hang over us. It tends to magnify those things beyond proportion. To try to reverse this narrowing, you might try to find little indulgences you can give yourself like watching a favorite movie or reading a favorite book. Alternatively you might try going to an AA meeting not so much for a long term plan to quit drinking but for a momentary break in the narrowing momentum that has built up.

Things that you intentionally do, even if thjey are unusual, can give you back a sense of control in your life and help turn a narrowing momentum into an expanding one.