I was always a bright kid growing up, yet my environment made me feel depressed. The lack of color, the traffic and just how everything was seemingly too fast-paced. Granted, I was living near industrial areas and it must've taken a toll on my child brain at the time.
I coped with video games, in fact they were about the most fun I ever had since birth. Nothing even comes close.
School was different. I was always behind, but somehow had the willpower to do the work. I felt a bit stupid, my brain wandered off all the time and I hardly focused, but in the end, I did well... up until 8th Grade. From there on, for the rest of my life, I felt as though I'm dealing with senioritis. Like nothing is worth learning or reading about anymore.
I can't stand doing anything productive with my brain. Most I'll do is work on music, but that doesn't really get the money rolling.
It's making me doubt having a good future. A future where I wouldn't be homeless or struggling with bills.
I'm not like my siblings. I'm the dumbest, the least productive and just an absolute waste of space.
I inherited health conditions that don't allow me to work in certain climates (hyperhidrosis, look it up) and I am absolutely slow in the head. In other ventures of life, or even in general, simply based off my appearance, people think I'm really smart and happy. My grades, however, don't exactly show that.
I'm not sure what to do with my life. I'm 18, I haven't experienced the joys of life such as traveling and sex, or having your first kiss (I go to an all-boys school), and I'd love to before I CTB. I just don't think my brain wants it enough. It's like I'm deprived of feeling good or happy, or understanding complex things.
I wonder if anti depressants would help.
I coped with video games, in fact they were about the most fun I ever had since birth. Nothing even comes close.
School was different. I was always behind, but somehow had the willpower to do the work. I felt a bit stupid, my brain wandered off all the time and I hardly focused, but in the end, I did well... up until 8th Grade. From there on, for the rest of my life, I felt as though I'm dealing with senioritis. Like nothing is worth learning or reading about anymore.
I can't stand doing anything productive with my brain. Most I'll do is work on music, but that doesn't really get the money rolling.
It's making me doubt having a good future. A future where I wouldn't be homeless or struggling with bills.
I'm not like my siblings. I'm the dumbest, the least productive and just an absolute waste of space.
I inherited health conditions that don't allow me to work in certain climates (hyperhidrosis, look it up) and I am absolutely slow in the head. In other ventures of life, or even in general, simply based off my appearance, people think I'm really smart and happy. My grades, however, don't exactly show that.
I'm not sure what to do with my life. I'm 18, I haven't experienced the joys of life such as traveling and sex, or having your first kiss (I go to an all-boys school), and I'd love to before I CTB. I just don't think my brain wants it enough. It's like I'm deprived of feeling good or happy, or understanding complex things.
I wonder if anti depressants would help.
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