fleetingnight
incapable of shutting up
- May 2, 2024
- 662
It's mostly just another vent, so feel free to ignore it, I don't mind.
I just want to rest. In my dreams, I can wake up in another world where life is better. Someplace we don't need to exhaust ourselves to survive, conceal every characteristic for acceptance, and act like assholes to others for dopamine and validation. But I can't convince myself any afterlife exists. I can hope, but I don't believe it at all.
It sounds frightening to never wake up again. I don't like missing out on things. But waking up on this same planet in this same universe is like a form of torture. When I wake up, an anxiety attack is inevitable, no matter what happens, it's just a matter of time. I break down in tears almost every day. Even if I feel better for a while, I'll remember why I want to die soon. It's like being manipulated into staying alive with tiny bits of joy, like an abuser buying you a nice gift to make you stay. I have a toxic relationship with life. And I don't even know why it wants me to stay. I hardly have an impact, and it's mostly negative. I'm a parasite, leeching time, resources, money, and sympathy, and I'm kept alive for no reason at all.
I just want to rest. In my dreams, I can wake up in another world where life is better. Someplace we don't need to exhaust ourselves to survive, conceal every characteristic for acceptance, and act like assholes to others for dopamine and validation. But I can't convince myself any afterlife exists. I can hope, but I don't believe it at all.
It sounds frightening to never wake up again. I don't like missing out on things. But waking up on this same planet in this same universe is like a form of torture. When I wake up, an anxiety attack is inevitable, no matter what happens, it's just a matter of time. I break down in tears almost every day. Even if I feel better for a while, I'll remember why I want to die soon. It's like being manipulated into staying alive with tiny bits of joy, like an abuser buying you a nice gift to make you stay. I have a toxic relationship with life. And I don't even know why it wants me to stay. I hardly have an impact, and it's mostly negative. I'm a parasite, leeching time, resources, money, and sympathy, and I'm kept alive for no reason at all.
