I don't want to feel all this darkness

[Cunanan77]

I want to be a positive person, i want a healthy sustained life, with loving people surrounding me,
i want animals i can love. I want to be independent and live in a nice environment.

This is all a stark contrast to what i am, what my life has become at this point,
as a child/preteen i was happy and careless, but then i grew older darkness captured my entire life.

My cognition is worsening, my health isn't good, i have mental health issues like schizophrenia,
i live in a toxic environment with mean spirited people, i can hardly fend for myself.

As a child/preteen i was happiest there was no ANGST no real pain, i didn't fear much not even death,
i was just a positive carefree person, but i learned quickly this world is mostly evil/malignant.

I was raised very sheltered and i'm not smart enough to break-free, be self-sufficient, i can't take control of live anymore, the way i want to.
I'm like a child in a 25 year old body, i'm completely pushed and kicked around constantly, i'm a passive being in a universe that's actively hostile.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so cruel and I know that it's dreadful when things just get worse. I'm sorry that you are trapped in this situation. None of us here should have to endure such suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[Why Me?]

I want to be a positive person, i want a healthy sustained life, with loving people surrounding me,
i want animals i can love. I want to be independent and live in a nice environment.

This is all a stark contrast to what i am, what my life has become at this point,
as a child/preteen i was happy and careless, but then i grew older darkness captured my entire life.

My cognition is worsening, my health isn't good, i have mental health issues like schizophrenia,
i live in a toxic environment with mean spirited people, i can hardly fend for myself.

As a child/preteen i was happiest there was no ANGST no real pain, i didn't fear much not even death,
i was just a positive carefree person, but i learned quickly this world is mostly evil/malignant.

I was raised very sheltered and i'm not smart enough to break-free, be self-sufficient, i can't take control of live anymore, the way i want to.
I'm like a child in a 25 year old body, i'm completely pushed and kicked around constantly, i'm a passive being in a universe that's actively hostile.

I relate a lot to what you have posted. I hope we both find peace.

 

[theboy]

All is not lost. You want to have a good life :)