I don't want to die

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't want to die.

I can relate to this. And being trapped in a situation that won't let us see another escape but to CTB is so horrible.
I really hope you can find a way out of this.

 

[Deer_Dairy]

UTI *is* treatable. If some doctor didn't help you, try another. This is not the reason why you should die! You have will to live, "only" experiencing physicall pain. Tell your doctor it is unbearable. Ask for painkillers first and for better treatment of your problem.
It.Is.Treatable! Ahh... I wish you the best of luck ♥

 

[onlyforever1]

from when are you in pain?
(how long?) this uti?

I have had bladder pain since 2020 but I've been in non-stop pain since the end of July last year.

That's a tough one. If you feel telling them about the SN is the best thing of course you should do so but that will probably mean you'll lose it. The alternative is telling them you think of suicide in general (which is a very common thought and clearly you are in much pain and despair) but without mentioning the specifics so you're not alone with it although that might bring further scrutiny.

If a medical procedure recommended by a doctor landed you in this position it most certainly isn't your fault: you acted in good faith and upon the advice of a medical professional. From what I understand there are risks attached to pretty much every medical procedure so there's always a chance it could go wrong. Sometimes very wrong. I don't know what happened exactly but clearly things didn't turn out well for you.

Sadly I can only express my sympathy and sincere hope you'll find a way to alleviate your suffering.

Oh they know I want to die. I can't stop myself from talking about it all the time. That's why I'm living with my mom. They were worried to leave me at my home by myself. I don't want to die.